Thursday, December 4, 2008

Claus or no Claus

Confession: I do not believe in Santa Claus.

I love the notion of him and Christmas is my favorite favorite time of year. However, there is no Santa Claus. I know this because when I was 5-ish my older brother pulled back the curtain and revealed that he was in fact our parents.

He also filled me in on the Toothfairy and Easter Bunny. Now make no mistake. He was doing this in the vain of typical older brother blowing the cover off all things fun and pretend in an effort to disappoint and upset his younger sisters. He was not doing this so that my older sister and I were going into the world well informed. God love him. Someone has to. I kid I kid.

Before I go on, can we talk about the Easter Bunny? What the hell? I know that Christmas and gift giving has gotten slightly out of hand. However, at the core, the main idea is still there. We celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. We give each other gifts similar to the Wise Men bringing gifts to baby Jesus. (Although hopefully our gifts are slightly more useful than Mir for an infant, but whatev. The idea is to be with family and attempt to make life a little brighter for those without.) But a larger than life rabbit in a pastel plaid vest and bow tie, who comes to your house and leaves children mysterious baskets of malt balls, jelly beans and chocolate replicas of himself? Huh?

Anywhoo, now faced with our own little monkey and the holiday season, Josh and I were having a conversation about whether or not we are going to encourage the belief in Santa. I know that Pman SO does not get Christmas yet. In fact, I wish someone could remember what they were thinking during their first Christmas. Mom and Dad bring a tree in the house, dress it up, leave it there for a few days and then for no obvious reason the tree is removed never to return again...until next year about the same time. Odd.

Back to the point, Claus or no Claus? Josh says yes to Claus. He is of the mind set that every kid enjoys believing in SC and parents should play along for a few years.

I say, "Meh." to the whole thing. Meaning, I don't really care if he (Josh or Parker) believes in SC, but if and when Pfunk asks me if SC is in fact real, I will likely tell him the truth. I mean I remember when my little sister was growing up and she had a litany of questions- "We don't have a chimney, how will he get in?" "How does he know if we are bad or good?" "How does he get all around the world in one night?" and the endless, "Is he real?"

My parents seemed to defer these questions to me as she was the fourth child, and they were likely over the whole thing. At first I tried to come up with some creative answers, but eventually just told her something about an tiny elf living in our house and reporting back to SC. This was WAY before cell phones, so I am not sure how I explained the "reporting back" portion of the operation. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to being cross-examined about SC and his lifestyle...again.

My mom, bless her, even bought special wrapping paper that was suppose to be SC paper that identified the gifts from him verse the ones from the 'rents. To this again I say, "Meh."
For gifts this year Pman will be getting diapers, formula, some baby food (introducing veggies this weekend!) and possibly a stocking with his name on it (something I plan on doing for all my kids). My favorite gift I have planned for the monkey is this sippy cup that someone gave me at the baby shower.
That was held in May.
He cannot use the cup until he is 6 months, says the label on the cup. So yes, I am bringing regifting to a whole new level. I am giving my son a cup that someone already gave him. I may be on to something here!
This is a two part entry, and here is the second part.
I have a few things to say to all the soon to be mommies in my life.
First of all, I promise you will not be pregnant forever.
Some of you are dilating and are probably hearing from others in a snotty know-it-all tone no less, "I was dilated for weeks before my due date and I ended up being 2 weeks late!" To this I say, "Shut it. You are just scaring the poor girl!" I started dilating at 33 weeks and continued to dialte pretty steady from that point because I stayed as relaxed as possible. Just relax and I bet you will dilate a bit more.
Everyone- my doctor, the pediatrician who worked on Parker before he went to Hopkins, the nurses etc.- everyone commented on how calm and relaxed I was from the time I checked into the hospital through the labor and until I checked out. (Typically not a characteristic I portray well. However, since June 24, I have made great strides to Just Relax.)
In fact, when your water does break and you are actually in labor, just remember to those two words- Just Relax. Also, trust (and love) your doctor and nurses. They have the drugs and can help control your pain!
In the event you have to have a c-section, here is how the pain will likely go.
Week one- Seriously, did someone cut me in half? My scar is about 8 inches long. I know people with smaller scars, but either way, I hear the first week is the same. Sitting on the couch and or toilet will seem near impossible. Sitting will seem near impossilbe. You will wonder how other seem to do this with such ease. It will take you honestly about 15 to 20 minutes to get from your bed to toilet and back. You will be afraid to stand up straight as you surely will be pulled in two, reopening the cut.
Week two- Still ouch, but slightly less ouch. If you brace yourself on the walls or your hubby, you can get up and down from the couch/bed/toilet.
Week three- Was I punched in the stomach or something? I feel uncomfortable, but I can stand up straight!
Week four- I'm tired. Will this baby ever stop crying and go to sleep? What c-section?
To the soon to be dad's- Do not worry. No matter how much screaming, crying, cussing etc. happens, your wife will (likely) be ok. Also, that newly lactating, crying momblob will soon turn back into that sexy, vivacious lady you fell in love with. Just Relax.