Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I'm Fine (For Now)

Pman reporting for duty.

On Monday I did not set up any play dates.  We did not go to the gym.  It was just P and me.

Monday morning we dicked around the house until we were bored then we went to the park. 

On Monday we ate Arby's french fries (and only french fries) for lunch. 

Monday's nap was was barley 30 minutes.

On Monday I packed up his Batman backpack and wrote his name on everything inside. 

We sat on the floor of his room and listened to a CD I used to play when I rocked and fed him late at night while the rest of the world slept.  Parker read books to me. 

This scene is burned in my memory.  I already know when he hits other milestones in his life, I will automatically recall this image- us on the floor, books everywhere, soft rain forest type music in the background peppered by the sounds of his toddler babble. This is the first time I am sending him out into the world and simply trusting he will be ok.

Monday evening, after Pman was in his crib for the night, I made his lunch, wrote him a note (I know I know stop rolling your eyes) and put a special treat in his lunch box.

On Tuesday I woke him up gently.

Our morning was filled with comments about how exciting the day was going to be because he was going to get to go to school.

On this Tuesday morning, the first- first day of school- he gave me a kiss on the porch of the school because I didn't want to have to make a big deal about leaving once we were inside.

Monday morning was tear-free and so was Tuesday.  Parker ran right up to the playground with the other kiddos and did not look back. 

I'm told, by someone I hardly know, my son had a great day and even slept during nap time.  The teacher-stranger told me my son was sooo sweet and she could tell some kids just have old souls and she thinks P is one of them.  She told me how when she handed him scissors, to check out his cutting ability, he looked at her like, "I'm not sure my mommy would like this." According to this perfect stranger my preciousP said please and thank you. 

As we left the school Parker enthusiastically told this new person, who will play a big part in his life, "Bye! See Ya Thsisuaohyyy!" (Thursday)

This school is a little one- maybe 2 classes of 7 to 8 students total.  I signed him up in February knowing this August date was looming, but when you are celebrating Valentine's Day it is hard to even conjure up images of the end of summer.  I was easy breezy about the whole thing really because, "August was sooo far away."  I expect the next few times to go a little bumpier than this first day.  He knows what preschool is now- that is all day and mommy is not there.  Maybe he will be a-ok, maybe not. 

People keep asking how I'm doing.  It's funny, I never really know how to answer that question anymore.  I am feeling how ever Parker needs me to feel.  He's cool with it, so I'm following his lead.

A part of me is sad though- only because I know he is growing up and I wish sometimes I could slow it down.  I think back to times when I lost my patients with him or talked on the phone while he played by himself or fed him dinner early so I could get him to bed so I could just- get- a- break.  Apparently none of these things caused any permanent damage because my Pman is a happy camper.  When he is not it only takes a few quick easy tricks- gummy candy, playing with scissors (apparently), going outside or racing his cars to make him happy.