Saturday, February 6, 2010

Puking (Squared)

I'm better. I think I can say with full confidence that I am on solid foods again.

On Wednesday afternoon as I was complicating whether or not to go to the gym, I decided no because I was feeling off. Instead of gyming it, I sat on the couch and watched Pfunk squeal as he ran circles around the room/house (really it is that small).

Then, I felt it.

The unmistakable- thick tongue, extra saliva, building pressure from the belly area- I was about to puke. I was holding Parker's sippy cup, so I threw it in his general direction and ran to the half bathroom. P followed me and at first heave he was terrified.

I was kneeling on the ground, face in toilet, retching and convulsing up my Bob Evans spinach salad (never again!) and trying to reassure SweetP that, "Mommy is ok. It's ok." Weak smile.

I was doing this so much that he started imitating me between hurls. He would stick his little face in the toilet and go, "BWWWAAAAAHHHH" and then laugh. Hysterically.

When I was able to actually pick my head up, I called Josh told him the events of the day. Like a wonderful husband he took my illness as an excuse to come home early and take off the next day. I say this in jest, but really he was so great about all of this.

From 4p.m. to 9:30p.m. I threw up 9 times. After about the second session, my belly really needed to send the message to my head that there was no need to continue with the vomiting portion of the flu as there was NOTHING IN MY STOMACH ANYMORE!

Four days before our wedding- almost 3 and a half years ago- I had food poisoning. I burst several blood vessels in my eyes expelling the bad salmon from my system. This flu was worse than that.

Around 11p.m. Parker started crying.


On the monitor it sounded like a cough and then a horrifying scream. Even in my weakened condition I knew what it was. I had my cell phone with me, so from my bedroom, I called Josh who was in the living room and told him to meet me in P's room.

I picked up P as Josh stripped the sheets. As Josh was trying to get everything cleaned up and reset, P and I sat down in the rocking chair- I pass out as in faint and Psizzle toss his cookies again.

We were a mess.

Alls well now. Josh eventually caught our bug, not surprisingly, but we are on the mend.

It was terrible, but we survived our first trip down the Family Flu Row- a milestone. A gross milestone, but a milestone nonetheless.

On the bright side, I am well within my target weight range! Josh assures me this is not something to be proud of since I achieved it by spewing everything I had eaten in the last week. Oh well. Too bad it's not bathing suit season.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Arch Nemesis

I apologize if the above images fill you with rage and fear as they do for Psizzle. To some these may seem like innocent images, however, in the eyes of my 19 month old son they invoke terror.

Pman does not seem to like anything that moves on its own- enter Tickle Me Elmo. Parker LOVES all things Sesame Street. His character of choice is Cookie Monster or CoooooKaaaa as P says. He even lights up when the Elmo’s World theme song is played.

For Christmas my parents...err I mean Santa got him a TME. When the doll's belly is pressed it laughs- loudly. If you press it several times in a row it laughs, says, "That tickles." and then shakes.

On. It's. Own.

The first few times we made the TME do its thing, Parker out and out cried. Actually, calling what he did sobbing would not be incorrect.

When we brought the vicious toy home, he avoided it at all costs. If IT was on the floor, he walked a semi-circle around it, staring intensely in case it starts shaking- on- it's- own.

Now, he is ok with it being around because he knows it only wiggles and shakes if you press its belly. In fact, Pman will point to Elmo's belly and shake his head. In the event another child comes over and likes the Psycho Elmo, Pman runs into the kitchen for cover.

The Fear of the Turtle is a new thing. This happy looking bright green turtle holds P's bath toys. The turtle is not new, in fact I got it as a baby shower gift. It has been suction-cupped to the bathroom tile ever since P started using the "big boy" tub.

Last night, I pulled out a few random toys for him to play with and plopped them in the tub. This is standard protocol. I guess Grand Master P did not like the toys I selected as he was reaching in the direction of the turtle and whining.

After pulling out a few more toys, the reaching and whining was not stopping.

My next thought was to lower the turtle, so he could easily grab what ever he was looking for that night. As I did this P looked at me- wide eyed- and slowly shook his head from side to side. Clearly, he did not want the toy turtle that close.

I put it a little higher on another wall. Still in his reach, but less in his tub space.

Eyes wider, head shaking slightly faster and lower lip pooched out.

Ok. Giving up my genius plan I placed it back in its original spot. However, since it had been stuck and re-stuck in several damp locations, the suction cups were not at their best.

The turtle plummeted into the tub with a lot of crashing and splashing. Immediately, P let out a petrified wail and headed for the safe side of the tub. As toys spread through the water I tried to calm my little Pman, but really the scene looked like Yo Gabba Gabba meets Titanic. I scooped the toys up as quickly as I could and pulled, a calmed down, but still skeptical, P out of the tub.

I hope I have not traumatized him too much. He pooped 3 times today and REALLY needs a bath.