Thursday, April 22, 2010

Million Dollar Mare

When you build a house the builder usually has some sort of protocol for fixing little (and sometimes big) things that happen to the house within the first year or so of the settlement date.

This past Tuesday was the day they came to fix the things on our 30 day repair list. We have been in the house for about 2 and a half months- let me save you the math- that is well over 30 days.

Compared to the lists of the other new home owners in the neighborhood, our list was pretty small.

The hard wood floor is rippled in some parts in the kitchen. Just because I know what you are thinking, I will answer the questions running through your head.

1. I don't clean my floor was a sopping wet mop. I use standard Murphy's Oil and a barely dampened mop.
2. I was never told what to use specifically to clean the floor and if it was the cleaner that was causing the rippling, then why was it only in the kitchen?
3. The damage is not even really in front of the sink and/or dishwasher, which is where you would expect water damage. The majority of it is in front of the stove.

They did not come prepared to fix the floor on Monday, so they sent another guy to come over today. He brought 4 skinny wooden planks with him. We need at least 12 replaced.

The front door was painted a gray blue, but the shutters are a tealish blue. This sounds nit-picky, I know, but even Josh noticed the color difference- and he’s a man. We all know how they see color- it’s either, red, blue, green, yellow, black or white.

I was told since the door and shutters were painted at different times and the base material is different, the colors may seem slightly off. It should be noted; even the builder agreed the colors were off- and he’s a man too!

The smoke detector in our kitchen continues to go off if someone breaks wind in front of it. Seriously, it’s hella sensitive. The other day I cooked bacon on medium heat, the detector went off, the bacon was still raw.

Poor P is beyond terrified of the detectors now. Whether they are sounding off or not, he points at them, including the one in his room and screams or says, “Nononononono.” (Guess who he is mimicking there?) When they do go off, he grips onto me like a Koala Bear cub as the device beeps and wails and informs us, in a stern woman’s voice, that there is a “FIRE. FIRE.”

I’m told a call has been made to the electric company and they are working on getting me a fire detector to replace the sensitive SMOKE detector. I was assured they will be in touch and that they have “my number.” Indeed, I’m sure they do have my number. Posted right next to a picture of me that is likely on the bulls-eye of their obligatory dart boards.  Confession: I do call them every time it goes off.

There were a few other issues I was told I would have to just have to "deal with" because of the nature of the weather and environment of where the house is located. Fine. Whatever. I really do not have the energy to go all rage-tastic about every little thing. The house is beautiful and I'm grateful that we are here.

The handyman who came to fix some of the things on my list has been to my house before to do some final touches after settlement. We have similar views on politics and children. He is older and very nice, so I was excited to see him again.

That was until he came up to me after fixing some grout in my bathroom and asked, in an almost interrogating tone, "What's wrong with your dog?"

It should be noted Abby's favorite spot is under my vanity in the Master Bathroom on her dog pillow.
It should also be noted that she shakes- a lot.
It should also be noted the shaking does not really mean anything other than people are in her spot and that makes her uneasy in general.

Then the handyman was commenting on how much Parker does not look like me. This again?

I told him that SweetP actually looks very much like his daddy, but has quite a bit of my personality. Then I showed this man, who I DO NOT know, a picture of Josh when he was about P's age. Maybe this one reason why weirdo strangers talk to me, I seem to encourage it by pulling out pictures.

Handyman says to me, as he glances from the picture to Psizzle and back to the picture, "Oh! You're a Million Dollar Mare!" He then tells me his friend has a really ugly- crooked ears and pigeon toed- female horse. When she is mated with a Stud the offspring come out looking exactly like the daddy horse. Her traits were not dominating enough to overtake the male horse, deeming her worth a million dollars per...session(?)

After realizing what he said, he did back pedal the ugly horse thing. Somehow though, I do not feel like a million dollar horse whore.

In a final blow, they have to dig up my newly paved driveway because they forgot to properly mark some lines or something pre-paving. I was assured I would be repaved immediately.