Monday, June 8, 2009

I Don't Want to be Right

Confession: I went to yet another New Kids on the Block concert on Sunday, June 7. I am happy to report, but not as happy as Josh, that this was my second and last NKTOB concert.

With lyrics like, "Now we're going to consummate so let's conversate", "Gotta know if you're mad at me before Grey's Anatomy", "I'll give you heaven while we mess up the sheets", and finally "With pretty lips and big ol' eyes and them big 'ol thighs"

I mean how can a girl resist their charm? Their swagger? Their captivating stage presence? Their inflated ticket prices?

Make no mistake, I had an amazing time. They really are entertaining and my inner 10year-old squealy girl comes out when they appear on stage in their matching, but not too matching, outfits. I still have a soft spot in my heart, or somewhere, for Joey. I mean at one point he came out in a blue and white gingham style plaid shirt and silver skinny tie. I mean if that outfit does not scream, I dressed myself, I don't know what does and that is so endearing.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

It all started when two of my friends came over the afternoon of the concert so we could have dinner, they could see Pfunk and then we would drive to the concert together. While we were getting dressed we all tried on at least 2 different outfits. Odd because really, why? It is mostly women at the concert and like we were actually going to meet Ddub (Donnie Walberg...) and the ilk. Oh yeah and we are all married.

Once outfits were chosen and approved by all and make-up was applied, we headed out the door. One of the friends and I poured wine into to two of Pman's sippy cups and took them with us.

What, you didn't really think I gave Pmoney wine, did you? I have a live and learn mothering style, but that is a bit overboard, no?

As the two of us got into the car, the driver said, "I don't mind you drinking, but please don't spill it."

And of course, one of us- not me- spilled it. No worries though, it was white wine and she mostly spilled it on herself although a bit did get on the seat belt. Looking back, a sippy cups worth of wine- 8 ounces- was really not necessary for a 60 minute car ride. We obviously did it so we would not have to buy as much alcohol at the concert, but really attempting to chug warm white wine out of generic containers on the way to a concert--I mean it all sounds very HFStival circa high school years, to me.

*Big ups to you if you know what I'm talking about there!!*

With the help of no traffic and a GPS system and me keeping my mouth shut in the back as I continue to be clueless about driving in the DC area, we got there in plenty of time. As we were walking up to the Patriot Center in Virginia we noticed there are generally two types of outfits. The first one involves an unfortunate combination of all things neon and tight. This lady will also have a side ponytail and will possibly be wearing jellies.
The second outfit is a black shirt (tank tops, button ups, fancy short sleeves...whatever, they are all black) worn with jeans. Three of the four of us that went were all sporting this uniform. Thankfully though, the fourth person did not fall victim to the 2009 version of a 1980's outfit.

After we got our $8 16 ounce Bud Lights and found our seats, we settled in for the show and began judging those around us. We came to a few conclusions. I will warn you, some of these are harsh. First of all, there were a lot of males there. At the first concert there were quite honestly about 10 men there. At this most recent concert there were probably an average of 2 men in every row of the arena. Surprisingly, no, they were not all gay. I'm very impressed with their wives/girlfriends. I couldn't have dragged Josh to this concert if he were dead. One man was sitting on at the ground level by himself with a purse at his feet and his arm in a sling. His head was constantly swiveling around looking for his girlfriend. Poor sap.

Another thing we noticed was that NKOTB have fans. I have developed a theory about this. It seems a vast majority of their fan come to the arena for dinner and a show.
My ladies and I all ate a nice healthy and cheap dinner my house, pre-concert. Whereas some of the fans (read: most) seem to enjoy dining from paper baskets lined with wax paper that are filled with anything that can be battered and dipped into a deep fryer. The area around us smelled like a Taco Bell/KFC/fat vat combo. Yum.

The opening act was the dance group the Jabbawokeez. They were good. That is all.

Finally...finally the lights dimmed and the boys, the New Kids, NKOTB appeared on stage as if by magic. They sang and danced and thrusted their pelvises and hips and crooned like only they can. The fans (or people in the audience since I'm still not sure if all the men were fans of the band or fans of pleasing the women they were with or were just plain suckers) dance, screamed, squealed, sang and thrusted their own hips to and fro.

At one point Ddub (seriously, apparently that is his nickname. I mean he's like 40 but whatev) bend down and kissed a girl in the audience. Apparently this has happened before with this girl at the Baltimore concert. Apparently he said, "I could fall in love with you." Then told the girl he wanted to see her later that night. I found all of this out in the ladies room- post kiss- from the Chosen One's friend. I kept my mouth shut, but I mean that girl better watch out. I was in the beer line and shamelessly flirting with the gay boy behind the counter in a (failed) attempt to get a free beer. I mentioned to another beer-waiting patron that I had a date with Joey after the concert and I swear she said, "If I see you later, I'm gonna drop kick you."

Wow. Rough crowd.

Through the rest of the concert, I paid attention to the big screens every time one of the "boys" had a close up. Then I started paying attention to their dance moves and noticed, not only were they not challenging in the least, they were exactly the same as they were at the last concert. These things all told me, these "kids" were old and likely tired. Not tired of the female attention or the money, but tired in the way you are after running errands all weekend and then getting up Monday morning for another work week with no rest in between. As fun as I'm sure it is, they are in their 40's and tired and need a nap and maybe some nice cinnamon toast and prune juice when they wake up. I don't think 40 is old, but I do think it is too old to be running around with the words New and Kids in your band name.

My NKOTB days are behind me, although I cannot rule out a Justin Timberlake concert. Question of the day: Would these pop singers be so physically appealing if they were UPS delivery men or "sandwich artist" at Subway?