Friday, June 27, 2008

Is this some sort of test?

My life has changed drastically since the last post. I will do my best to fill you in...
On June 24 at 10:30p.m. Parker Scott Phillips was brought into the world via emergency c-section.

My mom happened to be visiting that day and as we were trying to figure out what to do about dinner, a strange, warm, uncontrollable, but not gushy fluid started occurring. I ignored it at first. It happened about 3 times in 30 minutes and when I stood up it happened again, only a bit more intensely. I calmly walked upstairs, thinking maybe it was just an embarrassing bladder situation, and changed my pants. It happened again.

I told Josh I thought my water was breaking and he said he thought it was another false alarm. Ignoring him now, I called the maternity ward at the hospital and they suggested that I come in because it probably was my water. (Time: 7:00p.m.)

When we got there, I changed, they tested the fluid and sure enough my water broke, Parker was getting ready to formally introduce himself to us!!

I did not have contractions right away, but by the time I saw my doctor I could feel them. On a scale of 1 to 10 I rated them at a 4. Noticeable, but ignorable. Within about 10 minutes they sky rocketed to a solid 8/9. I got an epidural and my doctor mentioned that she was not happy with Parker's heart rate. They like it to bounce around in the 140-150 range, Parker's held steady at 160. They gave me fluids and an epidural. She told me that after the epidural she would give me 15 minutes to get it under control and if that did not happen she would have to do an emergency c-section because the heart rate indicated that the baby was not happy. My contractions were also very irregular.

The heart rate did not improve.

His umbilical cord was wrapped around the top of his head like a headband and every time I contracted his head pressed on the cord, cutting off his oxygen and blood supply.

I was rushed to the OR and my epidural, which never kicked, was increased. I was laying on the operating table, getting prepped for a c-section. Josh was running around trying to get his scrubs on and find my mom.

Before I knew what was happening, Josh was there in navy blue scrubs and my view of anything but the ceiling was blocked by a large blue surgical tarp. I was being told that the doctor was about to pull Parker out. It seemed like only seconds had passed.

I hear his gurgley cry.

My son is here. 8lbs. 12oz.

He is crying.

Josh is crying.

I'm in shock, but beyond happy. Those of you who do not have kids yet, will think you understand what I mean, but I'm telling you that you have NO idea what I mean when I say I was beyond happy.

They clean him up and hand him to Josh. They attempt to clean me up, but I threw up all over the place. There were chucks in my hair and there was so much throw up on the gown that they just cut it off of me and gave me a new one.

When they wheeled me to recovery, my body temperature was 95 degrees. I needed to get that temp and blood pressure regulated before I was allowed to go to my room. It took an hour, which is normal.

I knew that I was not going to get to see Parker right away because of the c-section, so I was not surprised when he was not in my room when I got there.

However, the emergency c-section was the easy part.

About 4 hours after birth, Parker was helicoptered to Hopkins because the hospital could not regulate his breathing and could not identify the problem. At Hopkins we found out that he has a hole in his diaphragm that developed in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. All the organs on his left side are pushed up into his chest. He is currently waiting to get surgery, which will hopefully occur on Tuesday, July 1, one day before his original due date.

I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday morning, 36 hours after the c-section, and spend most of the day with Parker. I went back today and just sat with him for hours. I have been pumping milk so that when he can eat, he will have the best stuff around.

Everyone tells me he looks great and is strong and beautiful. He is beautiful to me because he is my baby, but this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. All the doctors and nurses keep asking me if I have any questions and the only question I have is when will he come home and the only answer they can give me for that is, "We can't say for sure."
Every mom who gets to go in to the hospital, have her baby and leave with her baby takes it for granted. There is no way you can understand this pain until you lived through it, there is just no way.

I am very sad, but trying to stay strong and keep pumping for Parker. I have not gone a day without crying, intensely, about this yet. I know my baby will be ok. I know he will be ok because he wraps his little fist around my index finger and does not let go until I leave, which is the hardest part of my day...of my life.

I'm going to do my best to keep this blog updated and I hope you just check it regularly. I cannot make phone calls to all the amazing people who love Parker and I hope you all understand. I will do my best to keep you in the loop through this. At the very least I will let you know how surgery goes on Tuesday.

Thank you
Love you

Monday, June 23, 2008

I'm just saying, this is gross...

As evident by the mass amounts of phone calls, I seemed to have caused quite a stir with my last post. As of 11:15a.m. on Monday, June 23, 2008 the world is still minus a Parker Phillips. Although I am doing everything in my power to change that as quickly as possible.

A few smallish developments or progressions are occurring though since the last post. Jenny McCarthy wrote a fabulous "tell all" book about pregnancy, but I am about to take it to a level even she did not touch. I loved her book, "Belly Laughs" but some of the things she spoke about in her book did not happen to me- i.e. blue Twinkies (read the book), constipation (I eat a LOT of fruit and veggies), an inexplicable need to move furniture (I'm too lazy) and she ate an ENTIRE tray of brownies every night...yes every night for the last few weeks of pregnancy (goes against the rule I have of if I did not eat it before I was pregnant, I don't eat it now). The rest of the book is brilliant and I read it in a couple hours. The genius that is Ms. McCarthy did leave out a few things I wish I had been a bit more aware of pre-pregnancy.

Now, if you are easily grossed out, you may want to stop reading here.

There are a few words in the English language that really... I mean really gross me out. Like throw up in my mouth a little gross out. These words are glob, hunk, blob and mucus. However, all of these words, with the exception of mucus, are absolutely ok if they are accompanied by the word chocolate.

Keeping this in mind, the first gross thing I was unaware of is this thick mucusy discharge crap that comes out your special place in globby blobs. Now, I did not go to lamaze class. Perhaps this would have been discussed there and then would have been less of a surprise to me now, but I didn't go so there you have it. I'm not sure if this globby blob is made up of pieces of the mucus plug I keep hearing about, but either way I am not a fan! I am going to look into this more on the Internet, but I will say I was told by a health care professional that it is likely indicating that my mucus plug is loosening up. Which means this gross crap is not the acutal plug. Which means there is something even grosser lerking about- the actual plug. If this is the case and the plug is anything like I am imagining, I may just barf right in my own underwear when the actual plug comes out. Gross.

I would now like to add the word plug to the list of gross out words.

The other issue I was not aware of, that is probably not an issue that plagues only very pregnant women, but very large people as well.

There is no polite way to say this, at least not as polite as I described the plug issue, so I will just say it.

How the hell do you expect someone with so much going on up front to wipe their ass?

It is damn near impossible to bend over or reach around comfortably in order to clean the area appropriately. Forget the whole damn thing if you are in a public restroom, there is no where for you to go. You may as well open the stall door and ask a stranger to come help you out.

Now a year ago Josh and I went to Ireland for a wedding. We went with some people Josh played rugby with in college. One of those guys was telling us how his family owns a very successful plumbing business and in his own house they have a bidet. He was telling us that he feels that people who do not have regular access to these lovely contraptions are walking around with dirty asses. Of course none of us listening to him have bidets and we all immediately felt self-conscience. However, after dealing with this difficult issue during these very pregnant days, I understand where he is coming from. I find it easiest to just take a shower, rather than try to contort my large tummy in a way that makes wiping both effective and efficient.

Finally, you know how when you do something embarrassing you think/say to yourself, "I will never tell anyone I did that and I will just pretend it did not happen." And then time passes and you see the hilarity in the situation and you feel compelled to share, well here goes...

Last Thursday I had my doctor's appointment where I found out about the new developments in the dilation and effacement departments. I knew that a possible side effect from this exam was some bleeding, but I have not had a period in quite some time, so any bleeding seemed odd or like a danger sign. Thursday afternoon/evening I went to the bathroom and saw blood. I freaked out for a second and then calmed down and called my doctor. She asked me questions about the amount and what it looked like etc. My answers, which were probably a bit exaggerated, resulted in her suggesting I go to the maternity ward of the hospital and get checked out. I went, we were there for an hour and nothing. There was nothing. I am one of those ridiculous women who went to the maternity ward for basically no good reason. I was embarrassed because I feel like I have done a great job...a good job...a fairly decent far of taking everything in stride and not letting things frazzle me during this pregnancy.

But I slipped up and now there will probably be 2 remarks on my chart when I check in for the real thing. One will be- N. Phillips- came in and wasted our time for minor spotting after an internal exam. The other remark- Watch for husband J. Phillips- seems to have drug seeking behavior (see previous posts about ER visits).