Wednesday, October 14, 2009

DIP- 3 in 1

Parker is a boy after my own heart. He loves and lives for condiments. Chicken nuggets, fries, chips- these things were not meant to be eaten naked in our opinion. Instead, we would prefer if you have several dips available for us to sample using the above mentioned food merely as spoons for our dipping pleasure.

Psizzle has recently discovered the joy of making ordinary food taste oh so much better by completely drenching it and occasionally your fingers (although in Pman's case, more than occasionally and more like entire hand than fingers) in savory marinades, sauces and what have you.

This very morning I put a handful of Fruit Loops in one section of his kiddie plate and 2 tablespoons of Banilla yogurt in another section. He COVERED each Fruit Loop in the yogurt until it was one soggy blob. He sucked the yogurt off and plunged the very same Loop into the yogurt again. DISCLAIMER- My son is a double dipper and he does not care who knows it. He most certainly did not learn this from me. Josh??

Pmoney's new obsession is not really why I called this entry DIP. I was actually referring to Josh. You see, my husband likes to do this Stupid Husband Tricks. Occasionally he is able to receive compensation for the tricks, most often he does not. Meaning he acts like DIP on his own accord, causing me (and I'm guessing eventually our children) to hang our heads in shame. He also, unfortunately, is not drunk when he performs these...tricks. However, if he was drunk, at least there would be a reasonable excuse.

The Flaming Land Shark
Quite a while ago when J and I were just beginning our courtship, I was at his house. It was just J, his best friend Eric and me. E and I were sitting on the futon (seriously, a futon?) when J excused himself to use the facilities. After quite a bit of time E and I realized J was still in the bathroom. One or the both of us commented that it is not a good thing for J to be in the bathroom that long. Either we were going to have to vacate the premises immediately due to toxic fumes OR we were about the see something we never could have imagined.

It was the latter. I'm not sure if I am thankful about that.

Eventaully, Josh came streaking out of the bathroom- yes I mean both quick and naked. Yes naked.

Oh well, he did have a flaming length of toilet paper coming out of his butt.

He burst through the bathroom door, past E and I and out the front door while screaming, "FLAMING LAND SHARK!"

He he jumped off the front porch and landed in a puddle as it had just rained...or snowed...frankly I can't remember. Does it even matter, really? The flame was out- I mean that in many ways.

Drinking Brine
More recently, Josh has developed the habit of pickling things- okra, peppers, carrots, cucumbers...anything really. He loves them. I hate them. This allows him to get creative with his pickling excapades. About two weeks ago he made one with some random veggies, peppercorns, chili oil, apple cider vinegar, and what he describes as a TON of salt.

He brought the jar o' gross to a friends house where we were going to eat dinner and watch some football.

After dinner, after all the pickled veggies were consumed I saw something that still makes me gag a little. I was talking to the lady of the house and we were both behind Josh. I saw his head tip back and the pickle jar go up in the air. He was drinking it.

I thought it was just going to be a sip. He does this occationally, I guess to just taste the brine flavor (?)

I was wrong. He (as in it was his idea) made a bet to drink all the brine left in the jar- about 2 cups worth for...

TWO DOLLARS!!! Two freaking dollars!

He did it too!

He threw up the rest of the night. He may have done some other gross things too, I did not ask. I do not want to know. At 8:45 that night he was finally able to hold down some soup. I then made him do the dishes. I have no sympathy for someone who is sick because of their own DUMB actions. (I took the $2 too.) He then ate some ice cream.

Hands off ladies, this cowboy is all mine.