Sunday, May 17, 2009

But What's the Theme

When I got married I had little if nothing to do with my Bridal Shower. I'm not into these showers, so I was fine with it. I provided a list to my sister of who should be invited and their addresses. I just showed up, opened the loot, ate some food and rolled out. Done deal. No theme picking needed on my part!

When I was pregnant and I hoped to follow the same minimal involvement role in the process. I was taken by surprise when I was thrust into an active role. I came up with a game- baby bottle beer chug- pretty self explanatory and a lot of fun. I diligently registered for baby items that I have no idea how to use or what they even were. In one Babies R us, I broke down and cried on a bench while registering for gifts. This was after I nearly got in a fist fight at the Waldorf Babies R Us (see previous post, sometime in Feb/March 08). And I kept getting this question of the theme. "What is the theme of the shower?", people would say.


I'm not a theme kind of girl. When I bought my house and began decorating it, my "theme" was "house."

The theme, if there was one for my bridal shower, was wedding.

Can you guess the theme for my baby shower? If not, it was baby.

When I was decorating his room this elusive theme question came again. Oddly enough when I moved into my house and was themeing it up all over the place, I painted what is now Parker's room, blue. It's not because I have clairvoyant powers, it is blue because my parents had some blue paint leftover from themeing their house when they moved in. I bought dark wood furniture for Pman's room before he was born- is that a theme? His closet serves as our in-house storage unit, is that a theme?

Now that Pmonkey is fast approaching his 1st birthday, I have been getting this theme question again. Is -birthday- good enough? I have not bought anything yet, but I foresee buying paper plates and napkins that are cute and cheap. Truth be told, I would take cheap over cute.

I can tell you what the theme will not be- Yo Gabba Gabba- the show brought to you by the movement to Legalize Hallucinogenics Inc. If you do not know what this mind boggling show is, thank your lucky stars and don't look back.

The main character- and I mean every aspect of the word character- is this super skinny black man who wears a bright orange fuzzy fro-y thing on his head and an orange, seemingly shining, orange spandex jumpsuit. He exaggerates every word that comes out of his mouth. His arms are always flailing around like he all the sudden lost control of them or they are actually not attached to his body. It is as if he thinks the show broadcasts solely to hearing impaired children who watch the show from the couch which is situated at least a mile away from the TV.

This man, I'm not sure if his name is Gabba, is apparently having a puppet show with the outcasts from the Land of Misfit Toys. He stands behind this scene board and talks to these five rejects and hands them snacks. Here is an outline of these...things:
#1 Seemingly the only female. She is pink and has a larger than life daisy on top of her head.
#2 Is all red and pimpley looking, perhaps he has herpes, it was not explained. He has one eye, possibly a birth defect. Again, it was not explained.
#3 Is green and his arms are unfortunatley misproportioned to the rest of his body. He also has a unibrow, possibly "Proper Waxing" needs to be the theme of an upcoming episode.
#4 This one is blue and forgettable. I think he has pointy teeth, but I also do not think his mouth actually opens.
#5 Is a yellow robot of some sort, who as far as I can tell, has no robotic powers. His arms and legs are apparently made from the same silver tubing that comes out of my dryer to make the heat go elsewhere.

I'm not sure if actual people are in these costumes, or if they are generated in some other technilogical fashion. My guess is people are in them and the green one is particularly short, which brings about a slew of questions.

Occationally, in between lessons and songs about not eating food off the floor and the coolness of bugs (I'm not making any of that up) there are 3 second snippets of children dancing. Alone. In mismatched clothes. Their hair may or may not have been brushed in the past 24 hours.

Make no mistake, we have only seen about 10 minutes of this show. I was flipping around the channels on one of our recent rainy days. I stopped on this show because, and I swear I am not making this up, Biz Markie was on the screen and says in his gansta lisp- that is his alone, "I'm gonna give you a beat." Then he pops and spits for about 20 second.

That's it.

Why he gave us the beat, who knows?

What were we suppose to do with the beat, who knows?

Also, Biz, let's talk about where your life is going.

Here is proof:

As I type this blog, I was trying to go to the Yo Gabba Gabba website so I could post a picture of this show that is geared toward the underage crack-addict. I went to the website and...well, any suspicion you may have about the drug use among the people who put this show together would be put to rest the minute you pull up the site.

My theme is birthday. My theme is Parker is no longer officially a baby and that makes me sad. My theme is family, friends and fun, with a little cook-out mixed in and a splash (har har) of wine to round out the celebration.

We are still a month away from the big day, so the no theme theme may change, but I doubt it. However, I went to Target today and they have Batman napkins, plates, table cloth etc. I'm not sure if I will use them for Pman's birthday, but I will be using them for Josh's! There's a theme- 31st's birthday party complete with beer-filled Batman paper cups!
Save the Date!