Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Couch Potato

With the recent weather (read: snow) and still recovering from colds the Phillips family has logged in some marathon couch riding time. Mainly we watch Sprout. If you do not know what Sprout is, thank your lucky stars and vow to never succumb to the hypnotic sing-alongs and cheery birthday shout-outs.

It is too late for me. I am a victim of Sprout. And Parker? He is a Sproutlette.

If you are still reading and not clear on this Sprout thing, it is a network for youngsters up to preschool age. They air shows such as *Sesame Street, *Bob the Builder, *Fifi and the Flowertots, *Rory the Racing Car, *Calliou, Barney, Bounce, Angelina Ballerina HELP I can't stop naming shows!!!

The * indicates that I know ALL the words to the theme songs of these shows. I'm not saying I dowloaded them to my ipod, but that may or may not be directly related to the fact that I could not find them on itunes during my brief (read: extensive) search.

I have to say, I like a majority of the shows on this network. With the exception of Barney. I have a deeply ingrained hatred for Barney. I'm not sure where this hatred comes from and I'm not sure I'm up for exploring it. All I know is I do not support this Barney empire and feel he must be stopped! Who's with me!? There is just something about those damn kids and their sever, profound inability to act that fills me with rage.

The shows on Sprout are generally hosted by a real person and a hand puppet. On the weekdays the shows are "aired" out of the Sunshine Barn, on the weekends, out of the Sprout Scout Lookout. I'm not making this up.

Chica, the weekday puppet chicken, and her sidekick of the week, either Kelly, Kevin or Shawn, tell the viewing public what day it is and sing happy birthday to viewers who send in their homemade birthday cards. They seem to rotate on a weekly schedule. Meaning, Kelly was on a few weeks ago and will be on again next week. All three of these people are in their 20's I would say, maybe even late 20's. They all seem like nice people, although Shawn is a bit ify. Kelly, who regularly sports pigtails, and Kevin, an Asian gentleman who wears bright shirts with fruits on them, get really into everything they do in the Sunshine Barn. They dance, they sing and are generally silly. I think they may be high. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with this. I just hope they either get paid a lot, which I doubt, or they at least have access to the good stuff.

On weekends, the Sprout Scout Lookout is hosted by Miles, a black man in his 20, with dreads. This poor man even has to ride around in a cardboard box car with his pink dog puppet, Banjo. Miles and Banjo are even part of a band. Poor Miles. Where did you go wrong? Is this some sort of parole punishment? An outreach program perhaps? What do your friends say? Oh the verbal beating you must take from them on a daily basis.

There is also a random girl, who I sometimes thinks looks like a bad version of me. I cannot think of her name, but she plays the guitar and I really cannot figure out where she fits into the mix. It's like the Sprout exec's were like, "Um, there's this sad girl, with a guitar? Have you seen her outside the building? Yeah, well, maybe if we allow her to make up a few somewhat scary songs about going to the doctor and the importance of wearing shoes, she will perk up a bit and leave us alone." I really have seen no rhyme or reason as to when this girl appears on the Sprout channel. I find her scary and annoying, but still not as bad as Barney.

Finally, I have noticed something about the commercials on this channel. They are either geared toward children or mommies. However, one commercial in particular has me a bit puzzled as I watch it and observe Parker's reaction. Pmoney's reaction is the puzzling part, not the commercial itself. I, of course, am referencing the Bare Minerals commercial.
This advertisement has bunch of up close shots of beautiful fresh faced ladies. It puts Prock in such a trance, I fear he make choke if it comes on when he is eating. At the end there is a pretty girl in beyond perfect lighting with light brown hair, greenish blue eyes and gleaming glowing white teeth. She is saying some nonsense about how Bare Minerals changed her life. At this point, Parker starts to giggle.

I'm not sure if he like the girl or the makeup. I love him either way, but middle school will be very tough if he prefers the makeup.

Clearly it has been a slow week. Josh caught what Pfunk and I had, rendering him useless for a few days. Has anyone noticed that when guys get colds, even when they catch it from you, it is worse than anything you could imagine. "Childbirth? Don't make me laugh, childbirth does not compare to the congestion I got going on in my sinus cavities!"

I did banish him to the guest room for a few nights. The cold was no childbirth, but I sure as hell don't want it again!