Friday, June 27, 2008

Is this some sort of test?

My life has changed drastically since the last post. I will do my best to fill you in...
On June 24 at 10:30p.m. Parker Scott Phillips was brought into the world via emergency c-section.

My mom happened to be visiting that day and as we were trying to figure out what to do about dinner, a strange, warm, uncontrollable, but not gushy fluid started occurring. I ignored it at first. It happened about 3 times in 30 minutes and when I stood up it happened again, only a bit more intensely. I calmly walked upstairs, thinking maybe it was just an embarrassing bladder situation, and changed my pants. It happened again.

I told Josh I thought my water was breaking and he said he thought it was another false alarm. Ignoring him now, I called the maternity ward at the hospital and they suggested that I come in because it probably was my water. (Time: 7:00p.m.)

When we got there, I changed, they tested the fluid and sure enough my water broke, Parker was getting ready to formally introduce himself to us!!

I did not have contractions right away, but by the time I saw my doctor I could feel them. On a scale of 1 to 10 I rated them at a 4. Noticeable, but ignorable. Within about 10 minutes they sky rocketed to a solid 8/9. I got an epidural and my doctor mentioned that she was not happy with Parker's heart rate. They like it to bounce around in the 140-150 range, Parker's held steady at 160. They gave me fluids and an epidural. She told me that after the epidural she would give me 15 minutes to get it under control and if that did not happen she would have to do an emergency c-section because the heart rate indicated that the baby was not happy. My contractions were also very irregular.

The heart rate did not improve.

His umbilical cord was wrapped around the top of his head like a headband and every time I contracted his head pressed on the cord, cutting off his oxygen and blood supply.

I was rushed to the OR and my epidural, which never kicked, was increased. I was laying on the operating table, getting prepped for a c-section. Josh was running around trying to get his scrubs on and find my mom.

Before I knew what was happening, Josh was there in navy blue scrubs and my view of anything but the ceiling was blocked by a large blue surgical tarp. I was being told that the doctor was about to pull Parker out. It seemed like only seconds had passed.

I hear his gurgley cry.

My son is here. 8lbs. 12oz.

He is crying.

Josh is crying.

I'm in shock, but beyond happy. Those of you who do not have kids yet, will think you understand what I mean, but I'm telling you that you have NO idea what I mean when I say I was beyond happy.

They clean him up and hand him to Josh. They attempt to clean me up, but I threw up all over the place. There were chucks in my hair and there was so much throw up on the gown that they just cut it off of me and gave me a new one.

When they wheeled me to recovery, my body temperature was 95 degrees. I needed to get that temp and blood pressure regulated before I was allowed to go to my room. It took an hour, which is normal.

I knew that I was not going to get to see Parker right away because of the c-section, so I was not surprised when he was not in my room when I got there.

However, the emergency c-section was the easy part.

About 4 hours after birth, Parker was helicoptered to Hopkins because the hospital could not regulate his breathing and could not identify the problem. At Hopkins we found out that he has a hole in his diaphragm that developed in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. All the organs on his left side are pushed up into his chest. He is currently waiting to get surgery, which will hopefully occur on Tuesday, July 1, one day before his original due date.

I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday morning, 36 hours after the c-section, and spend most of the day with Parker. I went back today and just sat with him for hours. I have been pumping milk so that when he can eat, he will have the best stuff around.

Everyone tells me he looks great and is strong and beautiful. He is beautiful to me because he is my baby, but this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. All the doctors and nurses keep asking me if I have any questions and the only question I have is when will he come home and the only answer they can give me for that is, "We can't say for sure."
Every mom who gets to go in to the hospital, have her baby and leave with her baby takes it for granted. There is no way you can understand this pain until you lived through it, there is just no way.

I am very sad, but trying to stay strong and keep pumping for Parker. I have not gone a day without crying, intensely, about this yet. I know my baby will be ok. I know he will be ok because he wraps his little fist around my index finger and does not let go until I leave, which is the hardest part of my day...of my life.

I'm going to do my best to keep this blog updated and I hope you just check it regularly. I cannot make phone calls to all the amazing people who love Parker and I hope you all understand. I will do my best to keep you in the loop through this. At the very least I will let you know how surgery goes on Tuesday.

Thank you
Love you

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