Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Watch Out Leo!

I have always wondered what measurement is used when assigning a show size. For example, I wear a size 10. Is that 10 inches? 10 centimeters? I usually get the reply of, "Inches, feet are measured in inches. I think..."

Honestly, people usually begin their answer with a sort of assertiveness they would exude if they were saying their own first name. However, the end of the short statement is said with the sureness one would use when reciting Pi to a room full of mathematicians.
Let's say it is inches, which I am fully aware it probably is, why is there a size 5 in kids shoes, but a size 5 in women's too? These shoes are not the same size, why are their numbers the same?

All this (admittedly lengthy) shoe talk stems from the fact that my son has got unusually fat feet. He currently has those leathery shoes that most babies have now. His are from Target, but they can be purchased a number of places. His are blue and have cute green turtles on them. We get many compliments on them of course!
He is standing now and occasionally will do it on his own, until he realizes he is doing it on his own and then he freaks out and sits down. When he is standing and holding on to something he will do this kicky thing with each foot, one at a time. It kind of looks like a backward can-can and when he does it in the tub- well all I can say is you will get wet on that ride. In other words, walking is right around the corner, as is summer. While I've heard these leathery Target knock-offs are ok for walking, I'm afraid their lack of breathability renders them not ideal for summer.
In my quest to get my son some summery footwear, I have found that he's got the feet of a woman in the 9th month of pregnancy in the hottest depth of the summer. He is likely a size 3- lengthwise. Widthwise he is somewhere around a 7.


I'm not kidding flip flops don't even fit this kid.
The best part was, while I was attempting to jam his fat feet into these baby mandels I was laughing hysterically and the unbelievable girth of his feet. Because I was laughing, so was he, which distracted him from the pain that was likely caused by his mommy cramming his foot in a shoe that was 3 sizes too small.
Please understand, I am not exaggerating here. The fat on his foot was gushing out the sides of these leathery strapy velcro mandels.

I give, I give! My son will be the one without shoes, likely stepping on bees everywhere he goes.

In other Parker news, his kissing techniques have not changed and seem to actually be getting stranger. To recap his technique: we are talking open mouth on either your cheek, chin or occasionally mouth. Once his mouth is place on the general vicinity of your face he makes a moaning like "habububububu" noise until he deems the kiss is over. Occasionally there is a slight nibble movement so that the receiver is aware of his teeth, but not hurt by them. If he is really into it he will even put his little hand on the other side of your face kind of holding you there. I'm ashamed to say that I have done little to discourage this as I think it is funny.

Anyway, he attempted to kiss another little boy at the library.

I mean what else can I say.

I love Parker deeply, fiercely and completely. If he ends up fighting for hte pink team that will not affect my love for him. I just want it noted here that at 10 months old, the boy does not discriminate and shares his kissing with any willing victim/recipient.

Although, Pmoney may give Leonardo DiCaprio a run for his money. It seems DiCaprio's girlfriend, Bar Somethingorother, was on a news program this past week. She was fully clothed while on the show, but they kept throwing up still shots of her in bikinis that pretty much amounted to cotton balls, scotch tape and a gauze strip. Waxing and/or shaving was a MUST for these ity bity bikinis. This left me feeling like my new bathing suit is something circa 1920 when bathing suits came in turtleneck form with w i d e stripe patterns that went down to one's knees.
Not cute.

Parker could not have been more mesmerized if it was a Bare Minerals commercial (see older posts for explanation). However, this time I'm fairly sure he was looking strike that staring -mouth agape, eye brows cocked upward- at Bar Bikinimodel. I swear he looked away when they showed her with all her clothes on, but as soon as the still shots came back on the screen, Pfunk turned to Pmush.

Forget it- I'm fairly certain Parker will fight for the pink team as long it gets him his very own Bar Barelytherestringbikini model.

Josh update: After duct taping two trash bags to his cast, two family trips to the hardware store- once for an extension cord and again for weed whacker line- Josh mowed the back yard! Now, our backyard is tiny, which is why we have a weed whacker not a lawn mower. If you do a Poiret you pretty much get the whole yard. However, Josh did it. I didn't have to. Yeh Josh! Cast will be removed May 4!

No one is more excited than me I swear, Josh thinks he is, but he is not.

1 comment:

Nancy Campbell said...

One of my favorite ways to make my mother-in-law's head spin around is to comment on either son's homosexual tendencies. Works every time.