Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Momsuit

What's a Momsuit?

Before I explain my new vocab word, let me first take you through the journey that begins with my sister's sister.

Yes, you read that correctly. The focus of this back story is my older sister's older sister. Trust me that is the uncomplicated way of explaining this complicated relationship. The lady is not my own sister. I got to know her very well though when I was pregnant. She was in my arsenal of veteran moms I called on whenever I had a panic attack about oh well anything- vaccines, nursing pads, car seats, potty training (yes when I was pregnant I worried about potty training- a challenge I still have not had to face.)

During one of our conversations, my sister's sister told me a story that HORRIFIED me. It seems she was at a company pool party, for the company that employed her HUSBAND. In other words, she really did not know these people. She was bobbing in the pool with her then baby and talking to her husband and one of his co-workers, maybe it was even his boss, as they stood outside the pool.

Then she felt it.

Her daughter had pulled down the top of my sister's sister's bathing suit.

She had successfully and unintentionally flashed anyone who happened to be glaceing over at the moment.

Nice.

Momsuit: (noun) 1. A bathing suit that covers all areas of a woman's body that have been effectively stretched to ungodly limits after carrying a fetus for 9 months 2. Bathing suit that is sturdy enough to withstand pulling and grabbing from the baby or child 3. Does not look like something Rue Maclanahan or Bea Arthur would have worn on a scandalous episode of Golden Girls- it a momsuit not a grandmasuit.

Today I purchased my first post-pregnancy bathing suit. It does not have a turtle neck nor does it go all the way to my ankles ala wetsuit style. The momsuit does not have a skirt or a floral pattern, neither of which are successful in disguising any problem areas by the way. In fact, both the skirted and the floral patterned suits only draw attention to those ample areas you are trying to disguise. Just an FYI from me to you.

I was nervous about this shopping trip mostly because I have developed a new approach to bathing suits. I am a mom and I am almost 30. I feel that I am passed the point of full mid-drift bearing bikinis. I don't judge if you are an over 30 mom of 2 who happens to wear bikini's, I am just not one. However, I have not worn a one piece in years and do not have fond memories of them. I usually end up having to hunch over- not a good look from any angle. If on the off chance I can stand up straight, my boobs end up looking like two flat pancakes with chocolate chips in the middle. Not cute.

Instead, my momsuit is something that would not embarrass anyone- me, Josh or Parker. It is a bright blue tankini. Now, usually I hate tankini's because they squeeze in on my tummy aka my problem area. Finally, after I trying on every, I mean EVERY one they had in the store. Each one in 2 different sizes. I found one I liked.

Liked, not loved. And purchased it.

A small slice of my middle peeks through, but the sales girl assured me that it peeked out, not hung out- BIG difference!

In the privacy of the dressing room I tightened the gold clasps on the straps as much as comfortably possible, bend over and yanked on it, Parker style.
Glory of glories, no flashing!! I told the sales girl I needed something sturdy and that is what I got.

Beach vaca? Bring it.
Pool side with the Pman? You don't scare me.

1 comment:

Nancy Campbell said...

My momsuit is a tankini with "boy shorts."

Whadda gonna do?