Thursday, August 4, 2011

Dingbat or Genius?

My kids are slow- nay they are indolent (sloth like, lackadaisical, and lazy even) eaters.  When I nursed a baby Parker it took him at least an hour to fill up and he DEMANDED to be fed every two and a half to three hours. Eventually leaving me feeling tethered and trapped.

Saying I tired of nursing quickly with him, is an understatement.  He solely consumed breast milk for 5 solid, glorious...weeks.  Then I introduced formula.  For the next 3 months he got a 50/50 split of formula bottles and either nursed or got pumped milk in a bottle.  Then it was all formula all the time.

Poor SBG was soley on breast milk only while we were in the hospital, a whoping 4 days.  The day we came home I gave her a formula bottle to see how she would process it. 


Once I was sure all was good, I gave her some formula bottles, some pumped milk bottles, and in a pinch, I nursed.  She is even lazier than Parker when it comes to nursing, which is contradictory because she loves to eat.

Here is why I hate nursing, aside from them taking forever:
1. I feel incredible guilt every time I nurse SBG in front of SBB.  Poor Pman has played alone a lot since SBG was born.  Have you ever tried doing a floor puzzle while nursing an infant? 

2. My boobs are uncomfortable and large.  Too large.

3. (I admit, this is an entirely silly and selfish reason) All my shirts are totally stretched out by the end of the day.

4. She drinks from a bottle MUCH more efficiently.

5. I'm a modest person and although I have a Hooter Hider, I hate nursing even in front of Josh and Parker, let alone in public.

Here is what I have done:

I give.  She got my milk for a solid month.  I have a TON of it saved in my freezer.

My milk is nearly dried up, so I gave my remaining breast pads to a friend who is inches away from giving birth to her second son.  I perhaps got rid of them a tad too quickly (and eagerly).

I had a slight leaking issue and was fresh out of nursing pads, so I pulled out the kitchen scissors and some maxi pads.

For some reason, I have quite a collection of maxi pads, despite the fact that I do not willingly use maxi pads reguarly.  (TMI?  I'll stop.)

A little snip here, a little snip there- BAM my maxi pads have become homemade nursing pads.

BONUS: They are super sticky and stay put better than any nursing pad I have ever used! 

As I went about my day, grocery shopping, picking Pman up from school and going back to the grocery store to get the milk I forgot, I can't help but think, "What if I got in an accident and go to the hospital and they have to cut off my clothes and they see maxi pads in my bra?" 

Will they say:

1. "Gee, this is one innovative lady!  We must save her at once, who knows what creative potential she holds!" 


2. "Just another local dingbat.  Should we check her blood alcohol levels, or just assume the obvious- she's totally wasted?"

*P.S.  To breastfeed or not is totally a personal choice.  No hate mail please.


lynsey said...

hahahaha 2 things- 1: stop complaining about your big boobs jerk. -sincerely, the less endowed.
2: that's hilarious, the thought of (god forbid) an accident that results in you needing to expose the ever-versatile maxi pads! hahahah

megan said...

I love how you used a maxi pad. Great idea actually! I lasted five months and thought it was an eternity! I feel for you! :) Megan Vaughn

Mad Mrs. E said...

Genius! Oh! And thanks again for the breast pads...they also double really well as a panty liner. You know how pregnant women can't control their bladder leaks and all...ACHOO!!! hehe...