Sunday, October 30, 2011

Warning: You May Puke

A couple weeks ago I was talking to one of the sisters about things that gross us out. Why do people do this to themselves? Talk about the very things that make us itchy and cause us to throw up in our mouths a little.

Some questions just do not have answers.

My sister reminded me of something our mother told us a long time ago.  Our mom stepped on a spider in our garage and when she did many spider babies scattered throughout the  the area.  Ick.

A week after we have this conversation about all things creepy, crawly and skeeveworthy my sister spots a large spider outside her office door.  Some of you loyal reader may remember this entry about her store catching on fire a little bit ago.

As she was leaving work she spotted a spider- very large and furry is how she described it to me.  She turned back into the store, grabbed TWO phone books and headed back toward Charlotte's evil twin. She dropped one book on the spider, heard a noise and "hundreds" of spiders babies ran in all directions, including into the store because the door was open.

The phone book blow to the, she now realized, pregnant spider was not fatal, however.  My sister slammed it with the second phone book.

The mama spider was toast, but even more spider babies scampered out and around.

My sister snatched up her two pups and dashed into her car, where she sat behind the wheel and screamed.  I wish I could hear this chain of events from the perspective of any of the other owners and workers in the neighboring stores.

The next day she went to work armed with this bug bombing stuff and unleashed the poison at the end of the day. No dogs or children were harmed in the process.

The next day I called her on my way home from work for a spider update and to tell her my own grosser than gross story.  Moments before I called I was eating an apple.  As I took my final bite, as in no bites left on the apple, as in I had eaten the whole apple.  I looked down and there was something in the apple.  Something that moved. 

I spit out the bite in my mouth and tossed the remaining apple core out the window.  I had to fight the puke that was rising in my chest.  I'm not sure what it was because I could not bring myself to investigate.

As I am about to relay both of these stories to Josh, I start with, "Did you tell you Lyn's spider story?"

Josh says, "OOOooO! Before you tell me, did I tell you I found a pregnant spider outside our basement sliding glass door?!"

He was genuinely excited about this news.  He seemed to think I was going to be excited about this as well.

He was wrong.

I launched into threats of calling an exterminator and immediate spider execution.  I was so distraught I never did get to tell him my sister's story.

This morning he assured me he "moved her" to another part of the yard.  This does not make me feel any better and I am more than ready to wage a war against all things spiders, bugs and rodents, even the pregnant ones.


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