Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Beef with Teeth

An Open Letter to Parker's Teeth (the exposed and non-exposed.):

You are driving me crazy. Do you know how utterly terrible it is to be ripped out of a, very rare, perfectly good sleep be a screeching, screaming 16 month old? Don't you try to blame tummy trouble, a stuffy nose, or nightmares, I can hear that Pman has his little fingers in his mouth in an attempt to self soothe- making you the only culprit.

Come through or don't, but stop making my life hell and my son's mouth sore. Or at the very least have some consideration and succumb to the pain dulling powers of legal infant drugs. I would even tolerate one, just one, cranky day at home for a full night of sleep. Please understand, I am just willing to trade one for one, you do not get to make him cranky multiple days in a row.

First you come way late, he nearly celebrated his first birthday toothless, although the process did seem to start in October when he was 3 MONTHS OLD. Then you take forrreeevvver to finish the job. I know I know, the later you come in, the healthier you are. I need you to know I think that is a load of crap. You teeth must have some sort of in with pediatricians across America and those that make generic infant tylenol. Do you get a nice fat kickback check every time one of us mommies buys yet another bottle of baby teething pain killer?

Orajel does not work on Psizzle, as you are well aware. However, because of the seemingly nightly intense pain you cause him, he now smiles, waves his arms and is generally excited by the sight of that eye dropper full of sticky sweet purple liquid. The mysterious tiny white powdery teething tablets, mentioned previously in my blog, get the same reaction. You, teeth, have made my son an addict.

I have looked on the eight of you who have had the guts to show yourselves, but I see no phone number for a complaint department. Please understand I still fully expect you to complete the job you have started. I expect you to be healthy despite P's inability to properly brush at the moment. Hopefully him sucking the toothpaste off the brush is enough for now. You know I have tried to do my part and encourage the actual brushing motion, but he has other ideas.  However, he does seem to enjoy gnawing on the bristles of my own toothbrush, which I find totally gross, but he does a lot of things I find totally gross and therefore will not take up any of your more time.

Let's call a truce and just get P through this and allow me as much nightly sleep time as possible.

Thank you,

(A very sleeping) Nikki

1 comment:

Mad Mrs. E said...

"kick back check" -loves it! SERRSSly though, we were up at 9pm, 12am and 2am last night. No good, dirty teeth!

signed, never ending sleep-deprived fellow mama...