Random ramblings

1. Parker can sit up now, with minimal assistance, and is attempting to drink from a sippy cup. Lady toddlers of Calvert County watch out a stud is about to break free and he has an extra sippy cup for you.

2. I recently saw a bunch of people I have not scene in a while. These were people I went to college with and have maintained contact with most of them through facebook, so they were aware that I had a baby.
Since I was given the all clear to work out after Parker was born, we go to the gym almost every day. I would honestly say it works out to 5 days a week, sometimes 6. I am there for at least an hour sometimes an hour and a half doing everything from cardio to weights to kickboxing. I am at the weight I was prior to Parker, as I have been since he was 3 1/2 months old. Meaning I have obviously hit some sort of plateau.
Circle back around to seeing these people, I heard the following comment. Now, before I relay the comment, let me say, I know it is said with the best of intentions. However, here is the comment...
"You look great for just having a baby!"
This is usually said with a smile, scratch that it is said with a beamingly sincere grin, on the complimenter's face. I know they complimenting me, but I mean does anyone else see the disappointing part in that compliment?
If not, it's the "for just having a baby" part.
We new moms LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing that we look great, but end the compliment there for our mental health and your own safety.

3. My friend, who I have written about in here before, has a blog of her own. She updates it everyday and it is very entertaining. I am jealous of her because last time I read her blog I saw she had 9...9 followers. I have one (Big Ups Paul!). Come on people, follow me, I promise I will not lead you astray. Also, do not forget I have an email address set up for the blog- confessionsofaML@hotmail.com

4. When Parker was just shy of 3 months he started rolling from his belly to his back. Then he stopped. Meaning he would only go from his belly to his back, but could not reverse it. He only did this because he was pissed off that he was on his belly. HOWEVER, now Mr. Parker can roll from his back to his belly. When we put him down for the night we put him vertically on his back. When we go to get him he can be in any given position. In fact, one night he was being fussy and then just stopped. My mind of course jumped to the worse case scenario and I made Josh go check on him. I heard some scuffling noises on the monitor and then Josh appeared in our bedroom doorway and Parker's cries lit up the monitor.
Me: "What did you do?"
Josh: "He was laying on his stomach horizontally with his legs bent back and his feet in the air. So I switched him back the right way, vertical on his back."

After the explanation the monitor indicated the crying stopped again. Without me even having to say a word, Josh went back downstairs (thanks Josh!) to check on Pman. He came back with the same position report, but this time Josh did not move him. Of course I worried all night, but he slept through the night no problem.

I'm told once these little guys can sit and roll over (back to belly) crawling is soon to follow and then they get into everything. We have hardwood floors and I am sort of hoping this discourages the crawling a bit. I want him to stay where I put him. I do not want my days to turn into some sort of frightening game of hide and seek.

5. I recently posted some pictures of Pfunk on facebook of him eating waffles. A friend, she is not a mother yet which makes this question all the better, asked me if the waffle was frozen. I replied that yes, it was frozen and that who has the time and energy to toast a waffle anymore. I also mentioned that I wanted to keep his future breakfast expectations low. She suggested that be the title of my book. I agree. So if I ever turn this blog into a book of some sort I am using "Guide to Motherhood- Keeping Their Expectations Low" as my working title. Catchy and accurate, no?

6. This morning I took Parker to a reading circle at our local library. It is called Cuddle-Up and Read and it is for babies birth to 2 years old. Parker is the youngest by about 6 months. We read 2 books and sang songs- way fun for babies. I strongly suggest to any mothers or mom's to be (or dads) to see if your library has something like this. One of my favorite things about being a mom is getting to be silly and goofy and basic again. In fact, it's not that I just get to be those things, but that it is expected. It's a very cool thing to have lived for 28 years and traveled and done things and now I get to do it again with Parker.

Too cool.

7. Still
No
Teeth
I fear for his future. Eating strained peas on a first date does not sound like it will make a good first impression.

I May Be Rethinking My Take on Santa

Our Christmas was very nice. Josh and I really did not get each other gifts. We just put our 2 foot tall Christmas tree from Whole Foods in our hallway and sat on the floor while we watched Pman open his 3 gifts. He sat in the walker and opened the gifts bungee style. Meaning I would rip a piece of paper off the gifts, the very gifts I wrapped only moments earlier- in front of him. Whereupon Parker would grab the piece and toss the gift off the side of his walker while holding onto the ripped piece thus opening the gift as it twisted and plummeted to the ground.

We put some light-up reindeer antlers on Abby and got a couple glasses of wine and laughed our asses off at the absurdness of it all, knowing we will never forget this.

Also, I have made a decision on the To Santa or Not to Santa situation. I elect to encourage the belief in Santa for as long as possible. I have chosen this route because as the picture below demonstrates, Parker seems to be difficult to impress when it comes to gifts. I need to be able to blame someone else when I see this face again in Christmases to come.



I mean if this picture doesn't say, "What the hell, mom?" I don't know what does.

He also got a little car, from Grammy, that he can ride on. He seems to be terrified by this toy, but I have a feeling that will subside and he will end up LOVING it and I will end up equally HATING it. Thanks Grammy!


Other than that our holiday weekend was pretty quiet, although I did introduce him to something controversial. No, not porn. No, not Smirnoff.

First of all, let me say, the boy is still...still I say...toothless.
I gave him both blueberry frozen waffles and very hard pizza crust.

Before you turn me over to the authorities, let me say I did not give him these at the same time, nor did I leave him for a second while he was enjoying either. I do give him frozen waffles quite often now, though. He LOVES LOVES LOVES them and they seem to really help with the teething. I got this advice, not from a wise old Grandmother, or any sort of veteran mom. No, I learned about this from Roseanne- what works for the Conner's works for me- sort of.

We also introduced him to church over the holiday. We went to a small Christmas morning service at a Episcopal church (we are Catholic) in Ocean City, Maryland. Parker was the only baby and brought the average age of those in attendance down to 60. He was being super cute (of course) and well behaved (duh). However, when he was offered the Body and Blood of Christ, the priest dipped the stale bready disc into the sweet wine and placed it in Parkers' mouth. And Parker immediately and without hesitation, spit it out. I'm scared about what this may mean.

Our NYE was about as eventful as any other NYE really. I kind of think that holiday is overrated- similar to Valentine's Day. I was in bed by 10:30p.m. but I fell asleep on the couch well before that. However, I think I may have crashed out so early because the night before Parker was quite literally in some sort of P-funk.

I have a strict policy of no sleeping babies in bed. Meaning, Parker sleeps in his bed, er crib. I will vaguely explain why in an effort to protect the guilty. I know a certain mom and dad who let a certain daughter (not me I swear) stay in their bed until she was...what...like 10? I will say I slept in this certain daughter's room while she was in our...I mean her parent's bed.

I expect to argue with Parker over somethings, sleeping in our bed will not be one of them.

Or so I thought.

The other night he just was...well a devil child. (See above mention of church experience). He wasn't crying, he was full on screaming. Looking back I think maybe his stomach hurt because he was arching his back and farting...a lot.

Did I mention I had just introduced him to prunes?

Anyway, back to the point (there I go again). He was screaming every time we put him down, but he was able to fall asleep in our arms. Finally around 12:30a.m., after about 3 hours of scream-crying, I caved and brought him into our bed. Of course he fell asleep, like instantly. I, however, had to sleep with my robe on because I was afraid to pull the covers up and suffocate my baby. I also had to sleep in the exact shape of a horseshoe around Parker in order to fit on the bed and keep him aware of the fact that I was actually right there at all times. I am still not able to stand up straight, but I can tell you if your shoes need to be tied!

He woke up a few more times, whimpered and then going back to sleep. I slept in about 10 minute intervals and just about sucker punched Josh when he started snoring. At one point I got Josh to try and put Parker in his crib only to have them both return minutes later with Josh saying, "This just isn't going to work. He is staying here."

Great.

I guess I should see if I can get an adult sized "I still live with my parent's" onsie. My fear of him still living with us when he is 40 may not only come true, but will also involve him sleeping in our bed. Neat. Guess who is going to be an only child.

A Monkeyhead Christmas

Parker: My mom makes me wear silly hats.

Confessions: Like most mom's I think my son is especially cute, but I also put him is silly hats and clothes and parade him around so that people are sure to tell me how cute he really is.

Parker has some funny clothing that I love putting him in because it causes people to say, "Oh how cute! What a sweet little baby." Whereupon usually Pfunk will smile and shyly turn his head into my shoulder as if to say, "Aw shucks! Cute? Me?" Truly his mother's son- playing coy when the situation is really quite contrived.

Along with this amazing monkey hat, given to him by friends of my parents, he also has a Santa hat he likes to wear (read: I make him wear). He really seems to eat up the attention he gets when he is being super cute. Again, so much my son is he! A week ago, Josh, Parker and I went grocery shopping. Josh was carrying Parker in the holster and I put the Santa hat on him because it was windy. My plan was to take it off once we got in the store, because typically he hates hats. However, everyone kept talking, cooing and smiling at him, that little bugger kept the hat on through the whole grocery shopping trip! Tell me he doesn't get it!

He also has a shirt that says, "I still live with my parents." This shirt is funny now, but I hope it is not foreshadowing 30 or 40 years down the road. At that point it would far less funny and much more tragic.

His Aunt Lynsey got him this onsie...

I mean there are just no words.

Let it be known, Josh is not exactly a fan of these "costumes". However, I keep telling Josh that I have complete control over what Parker wears now, but as soon as Parker figures things out, the outfits he will come up with on his own will be beyond my wildest imagination. I fully expect him at some point in his life to wear a cape made out of a pillow case with cowboy boots and some sort of pajama situation to the grocery store. I am ok with it.

Joking aside, Parker will be 6 months on Christmas Eve. He is doing so well, you would never know anything bad ever happened to him. In light of this Josh suggested we not buy each gifts this year and just donate money and items to charities. He said, "We have a healthy Parker, is there really anything else we need?" Sometime Josh is so on point and that is one of the many reasons I love him.

Finally, some people have told me they want to leave messages and comments, but the blog will not allow them. I set up an email address, please feel free to send me messages, questions anything, whether we have actually met face to face or not. confessionsofaML@hotmail.com

Thank you to all of you for your support and love. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Celebrate and Enjoy the New Year. I will probably not get another chance to post until after January 1, 2009. See you then!

Favor

Hi all!
I have decided that I am going to enter pieces of this blog into some writing competitions, hopefully getting some cred behind my name helping me land a book deal and becoming more famous then Nancy Drew or Paris Hilton or Tori Spelling (who I secretly love, but come on if she can "write" a book then surely I can write one). All of this leading me to TV interviews where people will do my hair and make-up and put me in a sparkly outfit so the studio lights catch it properly to highlight my beauty.

Anyway, back to the point...

All the entries in the blog are a draft of a draft and all need to be edited a bit before they are ready to be seen and judged.

I am going to enter the one about the day/night Parker was born.

I am torn about which other ones to put in as they are all super special to me.
Here is the favor, I have listed 5 entries below with the dates they were posted. I would like to hear your thoughts on what I should enter. I want to enter a total of 3 pieces.

Here are the other 5 I am considering:
Pregnancy: Baby Gear and You 2/26
True Confessions 4/8
Whitney Houston 4/48
I'm just so emotional 3/10
Fear and Loathing in DC 11/13

If there is another one you like please let me know.

Feel free to ring in even if I do not actually know you. I love that you read the blog and want your input.

My email is confessionsofaML@hotmail.com

Thank you!!

Hello Nipple? I'm confused.

Just to recap, before Pman was born, I went to three classes.
1. Baby care I- birth to three months
2. Baby careII- three months to a year
3. Nursing

(Note I did not take a Lamaze class as I have mentioned, I believe babies were born well before these classes were introduced and therefore did not see the purpose in going. I figured the end result would be fairly similar class or no class. While I am at it, I also never read a single book about being pregnant or giving birth. Nor have I read any on the first year of life, although I have read bits of pieces of the latter of the three mentioned. Again, I figure people raised babies well before there were books, and who makes the authors of those books think they are so great? If every baby is different as these experts tout, how could a book possibly be written about the care of said unique baby?)

Anyway, back to the point...(I seem to say that a lot lately, curious.)

In two of the three classes I was told of this horrible thing called nipple confusion. The third class negated everything I had been warned about regarding nipple confusion. (See this is why classes and books suck, they all negated each other eventually.)

Anyway, back to the point (SEE!)

Apparently the believers in nipple confusion profess that if you are a breastfeeding mama you should not introduce a bottle or pacifier until the baby is at least any where from 6 weeks to 3 months old. Upon hearing this in my first two classes, Baby Care I and Nursing, like a good soon-to-be mommy, I vowed to wait until Parker was a couple months into nursing before introducing any sort of forgien nipple-like object.

Now, some of you may have gotten this far in the entry and are still scratching your heads and saying, "Huh?" Me too.

They never really said if this nipple confusion is a product of the baby not being able to tell the difference between the two nipples that give food (boob and bottle) verse the one that does not (pacifier) creating a situation like a lab rat in a cage.
Lab Rat Group #1: Every time they push a leaver they get food.

Lab Rat Group #2: No matter how much they push the leaver, they never get anything to eat.

Lab Rat Group #3: This group gets a treat randomly when they press the leaver, meaning sometimes there is food and sometimes, not. Leaving these poor lab rat to be OBSESSED with pressing the leaver in an attempt to find food. (P.S. Hell must be coming back to life as a lab rat.)

In this scenario, does nipple confusion mean that our babies who get breastfed, bottle fed and are introduced to pacifiers at the same time will become nipple obsessed, attempting to suckle anything looking like a nipple in an effort to get a snack or fill their bellies? Are we about to have a generation of adults with suckle seeking behavior? If so, ew.
Also, my boobs may be different than they once were, but they do not resemble pacifiers and therefore again, I do not see where the confusion would come into play. Actually, I think I may be offended at the suggestion that the two were so similar.

OR

Are the babies going to be confused by the word nipple itself? Which, I have to say, is a terrible word and if I have to clear up Parker's confusion with some sort of explanation for the word nipple, I may just pop in a copy of Meet the Parents, bring up the dinner table scene for Parker to observe and call it a day. I have a friend, a fellow blogger and college English teacher, who has two boys. One is slightly younger than Parker and the other is 2. It seems the two year old calls nipples, belly buttons. Any why not? I'm just as confused about why we all have nipple as I am about why we all have belly buttons.

In the end I think it is all a bunch of hooey.

Since, as you know, Pfunk did not come directly home after birth, I really had little to do with how he was fed and comforted when I was not around. This being said, I think he is a good case study baby for debunking this mysterious nipple confusion. When he was finally taken off the breathing and feeding tubes he was given a bottle because I was not there and so neither were my boobs. My milk was and that is what they gave him in the bottle and he took it. He also latched on whenever I was there and nursed him. I also even came into the NICU at times and they had put a pacifier in his mouth. Fearing he would not eat now, I voiced my concerned. Behind stifled laughter, the NICU nurses basically said the nipple confusion crap, was in fact, crap.
Although, I will say he does not seem to be, nor was he ever really into the pacifier. Now it is more like a toy to him. I will also say that I have friends who waited the "recommended" 3 months before introducing a bottle and it backfired and they had to feel their babies with eye droppers (I'm not making this up) in order to get them to eat.

Talk about confusion!

I think all we can do as mothers is do what feels right and not make one another feel guilty for taking a different path to achieve the same goal of happy, healthy kids.

I do think a bit of confusion comes into Parker's life every time Josh has to change a poopy diaper though. This past Sunday, as I am putting away groceries AND making lunch for Josh and I when I hear Josh call me from the living room to tell me Parker has pooped.

"So change him...."

The next thing I see is Parker in the Pack n Play- naked but still diapered. He is kicking his legs and seemingly giggling.
Josh (or someone I believe to be Josh) is standing over Parker. A towel or blanket is wrapped around Josh's face with only his eyes showing. In each of his hands are hot dog tongs and he is reaching or jabbing in the general direction of Pfunk's diaper.
Since I am able to change Parker's diapers without this get-up, imagine his confusion when this Arabian Night's/ Edward Scissorhands minus the scissors and plus the tongs is coming at him.

Confused indeed.

Claus or no Claus

Confession: I do not believe in Santa Claus.

I love the notion of him and Christmas is my favorite favorite time of year. However, there is no Santa Claus. I know this because when I was 5-ish my older brother pulled back the curtain and revealed that he was in fact our parents.

He also filled me in on the Toothfairy and Easter Bunny. Now make no mistake. He was doing this in the vain of typical older brother blowing the cover off all things fun and pretend in an effort to disappoint and upset his younger sisters. He was not doing this so that my older sister and I were going into the world well informed. God love him. Someone has to. I kid I kid.

Before I go on, can we talk about the Easter Bunny? What the hell? I know that Christmas and gift giving has gotten slightly out of hand. However, at the core, the main idea is still there. We celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. We give each other gifts similar to the Wise Men bringing gifts to baby Jesus. (Although hopefully our gifts are slightly more useful than Mir for an infant, but whatev. The idea is to be with family and attempt to make life a little brighter for those without.) But a larger than life rabbit in a pastel plaid vest and bow tie, who comes to your house and leaves children mysterious baskets of malt balls, jelly beans and chocolate replicas of himself? Huh?

Anywhoo, now faced with our own little monkey and the holiday season, Josh and I were having a conversation about whether or not we are going to encourage the belief in Santa. I know that Pman SO does not get Christmas yet. In fact, I wish someone could remember what they were thinking during their first Christmas. Mom and Dad bring a tree in the house, dress it up, leave it there for a few days and then for no obvious reason the tree is removed never to return again...until next year about the same time. Odd.

Back to the point, Claus or no Claus? Josh says yes to Claus. He is of the mind set that every kid enjoys believing in SC and parents should play along for a few years.

I say, "Meh." to the whole thing. Meaning, I don't really care if he (Josh or Parker) believes in SC, but if and when Pfunk asks me if SC is in fact real, I will likely tell him the truth. I mean I remember when my little sister was growing up and she had a litany of questions- "We don't have a chimney, how will he get in?" "How does he know if we are bad or good?" "How does he get all around the world in one night?" and the endless, "Is he real?"

My parents seemed to defer these questions to me as she was the fourth child, and they were likely over the whole thing. At first I tried to come up with some creative answers, but eventually just told her something about an tiny elf living in our house and reporting back to SC. This was WAY before cell phones, so I am not sure how I explained the "reporting back" portion of the operation. Frankly, I'm not looking forward to being cross-examined about SC and his lifestyle...again.

My mom, bless her, even bought special wrapping paper that was suppose to be SC paper that identified the gifts from him verse the ones from the 'rents. To this again I say, "Meh."

For gifts this year Pman will be getting diapers, formula, some baby food (introducing veggies this weekend!) and possibly a stocking with his name on it (something I plan on doing for all my kids). My favorite gift I have planned for the monkey is this sippy cup that someone gave me at the baby shower.

That was held in May.

He cannot use the cup until he is 6 months, says the label on the cup. So yes, I am bringing regifting to a whole new level. I am giving my son a cup that someone already gave him. I may be on to something here!

___________________________________________

This is a two part entry, and here is the second part.

I have a few things to say to all the soon to be mommies in my life.

First of all, I promise you will not be pregnant forever.

Some of you are dilating and are probably hearing from others in a snotty know-it-all tone no less, "I was dilated for weeks before my due date and I ended up being 2 weeks late!" To this I say, "Shut it. You are just scaring the poor girl!" I started dilating at 33 weeks and continued to dialte pretty steady from that point because I stayed as relaxed as possible. Just relax and I bet you will dilate a bit more.

Everyone- my doctor, the pediatrician who worked on Parker before he went to Hopkins, the nurses etc.- everyone commented on how calm and relaxed I was from the time I checked into the hospital through the labor and until I checked out. (Typically not a characteristic I portray well. However, since June 24, I have made great strides to Just Relax.)

In fact, when your water does break and you are actually in labor, just remember to those two words- Just Relax. Also, trust (and love) your doctor and nurses. They have the drugs and can help control your pain!

In the event you have to have a c-section, here is how the pain will likely go.

Week one- Seriously, did someone cut me in half? My scar is about 8 inches long. I know people with smaller scars, but either way, I hear the first week is the same. Sitting on the couch and or toilet will seem near impossible. Sitting will seem near impossilbe. You will wonder how other seem to do this with such ease. It will take you honestly about 15 to 20 minutes to get from your bed to toilet and back. You will be afraid to stand up straight as you surely will be pulled in two, reopening the cut.

BUY STOOL SOFTENERS!

Week two- Still ouch, but slightly less ouch. If you brace yourself on the walls or your hubby, you can get up and down from the couch/bed/toilet.

Week three- Was I punched in the stomach or something? I feel uncomfortable, but I can stand up straight!

Week four- I'm tired. Will this baby ever stop crying and go to sleep? What c-section?

To the soon to be dad's- Do not worry. No matter how much screaming, crying, cussing etc. happens, your wife will (likely) be ok. Also, that newly lactating, crying momblob will soon turn back into that sexy, vivacious lady you fell in love with. Just Relax.

Photojournal: Parker vs. cereal

Pfunk (as Aunt Lynsey started calling him) sitting innocently and unsuspecting in his high chair. He has started grabbing for my...well anything I put in my mouth be it beer, chicken, soup, chapstick. No I am not eating chapstick, the idea is if I make any move toward my mouth Pfunk is aware of it. Josh and I are taking this as a "FEED ME" sign.

"Ummmm, this does NOT look like the yummy stuff you are eating mom!"

"Oh just give me the damn bowl! I will do it myself!"

"Do I have anything on my face?"

Overall, he seemed interested, but not overjoyed. I think he would rather have turkey and sweet potatoes with roasted marshmellows (who wouldn't?). We are going to try it again tonight and hopefully will be introducing fruits and veggies in the coming weeks.

Anyway, I am writing this and my oven is beeping telling me Tom the Turkey is ready to be eaten.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!