In my last entry, I completely forgot to add something that I know now and wish I knew last week when Parker came home.
If you plan on breastfeeding I have a few things to say about that. First off all it is a personal choice whether you do or do not breastfeed. Don't let anyone bully you into doing or not doing something you want to do, either way.
Second, after my first three weeks of pumping and breastfeeding, I was ready to throw in the towel. Not because it was hard or hurt, which I hear it is/does for some ladies. Parker took right to it and has not looked back since. But one night/morning...3a.m.-ish...I was feeding him and realized that for as long as I plan on doing this breastfeeding thing, I am the food machine to him. Every time he eats I will need to be there or have pumped to provide the food for him. I became very overwhelmed and was ready to quit right there.
I only plan on doing this for 3 or 4 months. I do love the closeness, but jeezey peezey sometimes it's enough already!
Anyway, that has nothing to do with my tip, it is just a rant.
My tip is, if you do plan on breastfeeding invest in at least 2 very comfortable nursing bras that you can sleep in. Also invest in some great nursing pads (or nipple pads as I have started calling them). I have disposable ones from Medela that are great, but I have big plans to go buy some cloth washable ones. The bra I wear 100% of the time is a racerback sports nursing bra that I got from Motherhood for less than $20...I have 3 of them. Way comfy!
Anyway, no one told me to wear a bra and nipple pads to bed when you are nursing. DO IT!
Here's why:
Mind you I pumped every 3 hours or so when Parker was in the NICU, so I was up at 3a.m. pumping. I did not wear a bra to bed at this point. I'm not sure why, but I did not have a problem at all with leaking. I pumped my nearly 3 oz. and rolled over and went back to sleep. However, when that baby was home and my boobs could hear (I swear they can hear now!) him cry the second he opened his mouth, liquid was coming out me me and Parker! The first night I changed my shirt 4 times and I could have easily done it 8 times, but after several failed attempts at routing around in both my drawers and Josh's in the middle of the night/morning I just gave up. Each time I changed my shirt it was a matter of mere seconds before the shirt was drenched as if I had just stepped off the Whitewater Rapids ride at Hershey Park.
That- my friends- is mommyhood. Sleeping in milk drenched shirts because you were just to tired to realize if you put on a bra and nipple pads, this problem would easily be solved.
Go forth and nurse or go forth and bottle feed, either way, I have found a full baby is a happy baby...as long as the diaper is clean
P.S. I am told by a veteran mom and generally knowledgeable lady that cabbage leaves also help leaking in a pinch, but I am fresh out of cabbage leaves!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I'm back....I think
Parker is officially 3 weeks old today! We gave him a bath and took him for a walk to celebrate.
I guess since I gave you the titillating teaser of the pending grocery shopping trip that did occur this weekend, I will fill you in on how his first trip to Safeway went down.
Josh and I discussed our plan of attack before we left for the store. We had several possible options and routes we could have gone. Below are some of the top options we came up with:
-Every man for him/herself. This would mean we each would race through the store, grabbing what we needed in a mad dash then throwing the items on the belt and racing out of the store all before Parker had a chance to even think about crying or pooping. The problem here aside from the obvious ridiculousness of it, is that all Parker really does is cry and poop (and eat) and he is very good at all of those things. The chances of two rookie parents beating him at that game are slim to none and we realized that very quickly. See how well Parker has us trained?!
-Man on man offensive approach. In this game plan, Josh would take the coupons and get all those items and I would get the produce, lunch meat and other non-coupon items and we would eventually meet at checkout stand 10 and pray we did not duplicate any items, which enviably we would. Aside from the multiples of the same item, we also realized that if Parker did have a crying fit and I need to go change or feed him, I would be slowing the team down because I would not be pulling my weight, clearly not the goal here.
-Finally, we decided on a 2 on 1 defensive approach. I put Parker in the baby holster (which he LOVES!! Proof itself there is a God and he is smiling on me.) We moved quickly, but not panicky through the store together getting the appropriate amount of each item. The trip was free of crying fits and poopy diapers...Parker did well too.
I have come to realize a few things in the week that Parker has been home. Some of you are veterans at the mom game and will probably laugh at how "normal" these realizations are and some of you are son to be moms who think you have heard these things 100 times before and therefore may skip over this portion of the blog (big mistake!) and there is another group of you who are not moms yet, but will be in the future. To the last two groups mentions- read what I am about to say. Take it in. Do not over look it. I would not lie to you. No matter how much you think you know about what it is to be a mom and take care of a baby, you know nothing.
Babies are the most overwhelming challenge you will encounter. It is a strange feeling of loving this baby more than you can even imagine right now, but also, some how being terrified of it. I know babies are resourceful and amazing beings, but they are scary as hell. You are responsible for everything they do, everything they eat, everything they don't do, how they sleep. You. Are. Responsible. For. EVERYTHING. And they do not give you a damn clue on how to handle it.
Breastfeeding is great for weight loss, but it is also stressful and draining (at least for now.) I have lost 25 pounds since Parker was born and if you read the beginning of this entry you know that it's been 3 weeks. I still have about 10 to 15 more before I am at my pre-baby weight and about 30 to 40 more after that before I am Hollywood thin. I love being able to nurse Parker, but there is a small sense of confinement to it. However, I would still recommend it to anyone who is interested. It is very cool to be able to give your baby the food he needs to thrive and growth, its very cycle of life- mother earth kinda stuff.
You will be more excited about another person's poop than you ever thought possible. I love it when Parker poops because it means everything is working and he eating enough. There is just nothing really more to say about that, just get ready to excited about shit.
Time is merely a suggestion on how to organize your day. If you let the clock tell you when to eat, when to change the baby, when to put the baby to bed, when to give the baby a bath, you will drive yourself nuts. Just go with the flow and only look at the clock to see if it is too early in the day to eat the ice cream that is still hanging out in the freezer from when you were pregnant. Even then, to hell with it, eat the ice cream, the baby needs calcium! Bottom line, do what feels right when it feels right.
Baby blues are totally normal and ok and they seem to come and go with the breeze. Yesterday I had a really hard day. Parker has not been sleeping so well. Wait, what I mean is he sleeps fine, but getting him to sleep, only at night is damn near impossible. UNTIL...Grandma came and suggested we get him a mobile and put him in his crib at night. I was totally against this at first. Paker's "room" is on the second floor of our house. Our room is on the third. I was having serious abandonment issues. However, after a lot of tears (totally on my part) we decided to try out the crib on Monday night. He slept better than he has since he came home.
Babies can tell you what they want, you just have to listen to them and not put your own insecurities in the way. Parker wanted the crib. We listened and he did great in there.
In the end, no matter how ready you think you are to be a parent, you aren't. What is really happening when you think you are ready is that your heart finally convinced your head that is was going to be a doable thing. That you will be able to overcome this challenge. But you have no idea.
I do not say this to discourage anyone, but think about it, especially you first timers. We have no idea what we are doing. Other than younger siblings and summer babysitting gigs, we have had no training in this field. How could we possibly be ready? I am 3 weeks into mommyhood and I'm told it gets easier. The thing is which each new stage comes new challenges, but I think I am ready to take them on.
(P.S. sorry if there are a ton of typos, I have a Parker to tend to!)
I guess since I gave you the titillating teaser of the pending grocery shopping trip that did occur this weekend, I will fill you in on how his first trip to Safeway went down.
Josh and I discussed our plan of attack before we left for the store. We had several possible options and routes we could have gone. Below are some of the top options we came up with:
-Every man for him/herself. This would mean we each would race through the store, grabbing what we needed in a mad dash then throwing the items on the belt and racing out of the store all before Parker had a chance to even think about crying or pooping. The problem here aside from the obvious ridiculousness of it, is that all Parker really does is cry and poop (and eat) and he is very good at all of those things. The chances of two rookie parents beating him at that game are slim to none and we realized that very quickly. See how well Parker has us trained?!
-Man on man offensive approach. In this game plan, Josh would take the coupons and get all those items and I would get the produce, lunch meat and other non-coupon items and we would eventually meet at checkout stand 10 and pray we did not duplicate any items, which enviably we would. Aside from the multiples of the same item, we also realized that if Parker did have a crying fit and I need to go change or feed him, I would be slowing the team down because I would not be pulling my weight, clearly not the goal here.
-Finally, we decided on a 2 on 1 defensive approach. I put Parker in the baby holster (which he LOVES!! Proof itself there is a God and he is smiling on me.) We moved quickly, but not panicky through the store together getting the appropriate amount of each item. The trip was free of crying fits and poopy diapers...Parker did well too.
I have come to realize a few things in the week that Parker has been home. Some of you are veterans at the mom game and will probably laugh at how "normal" these realizations are and some of you are son to be moms who think you have heard these things 100 times before and therefore may skip over this portion of the blog (big mistake!) and there is another group of you who are not moms yet, but will be in the future. To the last two groups mentions- read what I am about to say. Take it in. Do not over look it. I would not lie to you. No matter how much you think you know about what it is to be a mom and take care of a baby, you know nothing.
Babies are the most overwhelming challenge you will encounter. It is a strange feeling of loving this baby more than you can even imagine right now, but also, some how being terrified of it. I know babies are resourceful and amazing beings, but they are scary as hell. You are responsible for everything they do, everything they eat, everything they don't do, how they sleep. You. Are. Responsible. For. EVERYTHING. And they do not give you a damn clue on how to handle it.
Breastfeeding is great for weight loss, but it is also stressful and draining (at least for now.) I have lost 25 pounds since Parker was born and if you read the beginning of this entry you know that it's been 3 weeks. I still have about 10 to 15 more before I am at my pre-baby weight and about 30 to 40 more after that before I am Hollywood thin. I love being able to nurse Parker, but there is a small sense of confinement to it. However, I would still recommend it to anyone who is interested. It is very cool to be able to give your baby the food he needs to thrive and growth, its very cycle of life- mother earth kinda stuff.
You will be more excited about another person's poop than you ever thought possible. I love it when Parker poops because it means everything is working and he eating enough. There is just nothing really more to say about that, just get ready to excited about shit.
Time is merely a suggestion on how to organize your day. If you let the clock tell you when to eat, when to change the baby, when to put the baby to bed, when to give the baby a bath, you will drive yourself nuts. Just go with the flow and only look at the clock to see if it is too early in the day to eat the ice cream that is still hanging out in the freezer from when you were pregnant. Even then, to hell with it, eat the ice cream, the baby needs calcium! Bottom line, do what feels right when it feels right.
Baby blues are totally normal and ok and they seem to come and go with the breeze. Yesterday I had a really hard day. Parker has not been sleeping so well. Wait, what I mean is he sleeps fine, but getting him to sleep, only at night is damn near impossible. UNTIL...Grandma came and suggested we get him a mobile and put him in his crib at night. I was totally against this at first. Paker's "room" is on the second floor of our house. Our room is on the third. I was having serious abandonment issues. However, after a lot of tears (totally on my part) we decided to try out the crib on Monday night. He slept better than he has since he came home.
Babies can tell you what they want, you just have to listen to them and not put your own insecurities in the way. Parker wanted the crib. We listened and he did great in there.
In the end, no matter how ready you think you are to be a parent, you aren't. What is really happening when you think you are ready is that your heart finally convinced your head that is was going to be a doable thing. That you will be able to overcome this challenge. But you have no idea.
I do not say this to discourage anyone, but think about it, especially you first timers. We have no idea what we are doing. Other than younger siblings and summer babysitting gigs, we have had no training in this field. How could we possibly be ready? I am 3 weeks into mommyhood and I'm told it gets easier. The thing is which each new stage comes new challenges, but I think I am ready to take them on.
(P.S. sorry if there are a ton of typos, I have a Parker to tend to!)
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Simply..
On Wednesday, July 9, 2008 Parker Phillips was allowed to leave Hopkins and come home!
My breathing, eating, non-medicine taking, circumsized baby is home safe and healthy.
I can't think of anything else worth mentioning at this point because now I have what I wanted.
We are not ready for visitors yet, but I will let you all know when you can come meet the newest Phillips.
Check back soon to see how the first few days are going.
Teaser: A trip to the grocery store is planned, craziness is sure to ensue!
My breathing, eating, non-medicine taking, circumsized baby is home safe and healthy.
I can't think of anything else worth mentioning at this point because now I have what I wanted.
We are not ready for visitors yet, but I will let you all know when you can come meet the newest Phillips.
Check back soon to see how the first few days are going.
Teaser: A trip to the grocery store is planned, craziness is sure to ensue!
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Adentures and Progressions of the Amazing Parker Phillips
I wanted the time between the last update and this one to be a lot smaller than it actually is, but a few things have been happening in the world outside of Parker, who knew that even existed, that have kept me from my computer.
First of all, I am ok now, but I spent the better part of my July 4th in the ER for my own self. Friday morning I got up did my normal pre-Parker visit routine and was in the shower. I think I have mentioned somewhere along the way, or if I haven't I will tell you now, my blood pressure has been kind of high since Parker has been in the NICU. My doctor was aware, but related it to stress and just told me to take it easy (HA!). Anyway, I was in the shower on Friday and everything went black and I could not hear. I had a pounding headache and my legs were hurting. I sat down before it got any worse and weakly called for Josh. He came up saw me and called 911. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance and checked into the ER at 11a.m.
After a series of tests including a CAT scan where I threw up (again) in the middle of it, the doctor concluded the fainting spell had nothing to do with my blood pressure, which was normal the entire time (7 hours) I was in the ER don't you know. Instead this episode was related to an infection in my boob. Seems one of the ducts is clogged. I am now pumping every 2 hours and on an antibiotic and feeling 100% better than I was on Friday.
In conjunction with this set back, since Parker has been at Hopkins, well since he was born, our house has completely and quite literally fallen apart.
Our laundry room doors stopped closing all the way, but my dad has since fixed them (thanks dad!)
Josh's side of the closet inexplicably and for no good reason fell off the wall
The smoke detector outside of our bedroom door fell off the ceiling
We came home from the hospital (visiting Parker) and our living room window was pushed in, not broken, but pushed in. Our neighbor said he saw that is was open and watched the house the rest of the day to make sure no one was coming or going via window.
And finally our AC and the fan broke, both of which are now fixed.
Crazy.
Anyway onto Parker news...
He is doing very well. His ventilator and chest tube were both removed about 36 to 48 hours after surgery! He is eating 30 cc (1ounce) every three hours with a bottle- i.e. NO FEEDING TUBE!!
He is having trouble breathing and eating at the same time, but they say he will get it and that is a common issue with babies.
He has had several "big poops" as the nurses call them, which is great because it shows he is processing everything nicely.
The milestones we are looking for that will allow him to come home are eating and keeping down 2.5 ounces and breathing while he is eating. He seems to really like eating, so hopefully this will not take too long.
Every nurse is amazed at how quickly he has progressed, which I love because it makes me think that he wants to come home just as much as I want him home.
Thank you all so much for your prayers, encouragement and support. I will continue to keep you updated on our little family. Everyone keeps asking how I am doing and I can only say that my mood/well-being etc. is directly related to Parker. He is having some amazing days and therefore I am good, but will be best when we are all home together.
First of all, I am ok now, but I spent the better part of my July 4th in the ER for my own self. Friday morning I got up did my normal pre-Parker visit routine and was in the shower. I think I have mentioned somewhere along the way, or if I haven't I will tell you now, my blood pressure has been kind of high since Parker has been in the NICU. My doctor was aware, but related it to stress and just told me to take it easy (HA!). Anyway, I was in the shower on Friday and everything went black and I could not hear. I had a pounding headache and my legs were hurting. I sat down before it got any worse and weakly called for Josh. He came up saw me and called 911. I was taken to the hospital via ambulance and checked into the ER at 11a.m.
After a series of tests including a CAT scan where I threw up (again) in the middle of it, the doctor concluded the fainting spell had nothing to do with my blood pressure, which was normal the entire time (7 hours) I was in the ER don't you know. Instead this episode was related to an infection in my boob. Seems one of the ducts is clogged. I am now pumping every 2 hours and on an antibiotic and feeling 100% better than I was on Friday.
In conjunction with this set back, since Parker has been at Hopkins, well since he was born, our house has completely and quite literally fallen apart.
Our laundry room doors stopped closing all the way, but my dad has since fixed them (thanks dad!)
Josh's side of the closet inexplicably and for no good reason fell off the wall
The smoke detector outside of our bedroom door fell off the ceiling
We came home from the hospital (visiting Parker) and our living room window was pushed in, not broken, but pushed in. Our neighbor said he saw that is was open and watched the house the rest of the day to make sure no one was coming or going via window.
And finally our AC and the fan broke, both of which are now fixed.
Crazy.
Anyway onto Parker news...
He is doing very well. His ventilator and chest tube were both removed about 36 to 48 hours after surgery! He is eating 30 cc (1ounce) every three hours with a bottle- i.e. NO FEEDING TUBE!!
He is having trouble breathing and eating at the same time, but they say he will get it and that is a common issue with babies.
He has had several "big poops" as the nurses call them, which is great because it shows he is processing everything nicely.
The milestones we are looking for that will allow him to come home are eating and keeping down 2.5 ounces and breathing while he is eating. He seems to really like eating, so hopefully this will not take too long.
Every nurse is amazed at how quickly he has progressed, which I love because it makes me think that he wants to come home just as much as I want him home.
Thank you all so much for your prayers, encouragement and support. I will continue to keep you updated on our little family. Everyone keeps asking how I am doing and I can only say that my mood/well-being etc. is directly related to Parker. He is having some amazing days and therefore I am good, but will be best when we are all home together.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Parker- Week 1
Yesterday Parker turned a week old!
He also had his surgery and before I go on, I just want to let you know it was a huge success and he is beginning the recovery process.
The surgery took about an hour an a half, which is less time than they originally told us. (This is good.) He did have a hernia in his diaphragm, but it was not a complete hernia (or hole). There was still a membrane holding his organs together, which made it much easier to repair. They said as soon as they pulled the other organs in place his left lung fell into place and looked like it was fairly developed, which is good. We kind of expected that his left lung would not be in terribly bad shape because the hernia did not show up on my 34 week sonogram and this is usually a problem they catch on a sonogram. My doctor even went back to look at the 34 week sonogram to double check and this problem is not visible. This means it likely occurred in the final weeks he was cooking in my tummy.
He is still on a ventilator, has a chest tube (although it is really coming out of his left side where the very small incision is) and he has a tube going in his mouth that goes to his stomach to help release gases and other things, it is not a feeding tube-yet.
He also has various other tiny tubes coming and going, but the above mentioned items are the biggies.
Parker is actually doing a great job breathing and from the beginning was on one of the lowest settings on the ventilator. They had to bump it up a bit after surgery, but I called in the middle of the night (while pumping) last night and they have been bringing it down little by little.
The miletones we are looking for are:
-Remove the chest tube which is in purely to drain fluid from the wound, once there is no fluid, there is no need for the tube. It is usually in for at least 2 days.
-Remove the ventilator. He is doing a great job with breathing and hopefully will be off this soon. This tube seems to piss him off the most and looks the scariest because it is big and taped to his face.
-Attempt to feed him my milk through the other tube in his mouth that leads to his stomach. Of these three things, this will happen last. They will give him a tiny amount of my milk to "prime" his system and slowly introduce more and more and eventually take the tube out so they (I) can actually feed him.
Next is the age old question of "When can he come home?"
I have not been brave enough to actually ask this question. My birthday is July 16 and I hope he is home by then. I have no idea if that is a long shot, reasonable request or way over shooting it.
Yesterday I was talking to him after the surgery and he was trying to hard to arch those eyebrows (which are barely there) to try to get his little eyes open and it sort of worked, but he was so drugged he ended up just going back to sleep.
He has some amazing nurses and that helps me sleep at night...literally. I can call at any time and they never seem annoyed or put out. They are truly among the most special people on earth.
Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and I can't really answer that, mainly because I have no idea. I'm in a state of shock with periodic bouts of sanity. I'm not crazy crying all the time, but I cry everyday. I still see the humor in some things that have happened, but I don't laugh as hard as I normally would. I will be a full fledged Nikki again, when my Parker is home.
Josh is amazing. He does not handle seeing Parker very well, but he will do anything to make sure I have what I need. He seems to be upset, but optimistic.
We know that we are (hopefully) on the upswing here and that Parker is as healthy as he can be at the moment and he will continue to get healthier each day.
Two pieces of humor to let you know that I am still Nikki and I will be ok...eventually
When I was in labor and the contractions were terrible, I heard my doctor talking to someone in my room, a nurse I think. I am not sure what the nurse said to prompt this comment, but I heard my doctor say, "No, the contractions are not close enough together." Some how in between these wretching contractions I managed to squeak out, "They are to me!" I am not sure what her response was...
Moments later I lay there on the operating table as they were prepping me for the c-section. Again a nurse asked my doctor if she should shave me. I was under some heavy numbing medicine at this point, but I did manage to defend myself a bit by saying, "I would have taken care of that, but this is all happening a week early!" p.s. My doctor said there was not time to shave and I'm assuming began cutting...I was way numb!
He also had his surgery and before I go on, I just want to let you know it was a huge success and he is beginning the recovery process.
The surgery took about an hour an a half, which is less time than they originally told us. (This is good.) He did have a hernia in his diaphragm, but it was not a complete hernia (or hole). There was still a membrane holding his organs together, which made it much easier to repair. They said as soon as they pulled the other organs in place his left lung fell into place and looked like it was fairly developed, which is good. We kind of expected that his left lung would not be in terribly bad shape because the hernia did not show up on my 34 week sonogram and this is usually a problem they catch on a sonogram. My doctor even went back to look at the 34 week sonogram to double check and this problem is not visible. This means it likely occurred in the final weeks he was cooking in my tummy.
He is still on a ventilator, has a chest tube (although it is really coming out of his left side where the very small incision is) and he has a tube going in his mouth that goes to his stomach to help release gases and other things, it is not a feeding tube-yet.
He also has various other tiny tubes coming and going, but the above mentioned items are the biggies.
Parker is actually doing a great job breathing and from the beginning was on one of the lowest settings on the ventilator. They had to bump it up a bit after surgery, but I called in the middle of the night (while pumping) last night and they have been bringing it down little by little.
The miletones we are looking for are:
-Remove the chest tube which is in purely to drain fluid from the wound, once there is no fluid, there is no need for the tube. It is usually in for at least 2 days.
-Remove the ventilator. He is doing a great job with breathing and hopefully will be off this soon. This tube seems to piss him off the most and looks the scariest because it is big and taped to his face.
-Attempt to feed him my milk through the other tube in his mouth that leads to his stomach. Of these three things, this will happen last. They will give him a tiny amount of my milk to "prime" his system and slowly introduce more and more and eventually take the tube out so they (I) can actually feed him.
Next is the age old question of "When can he come home?"
I have not been brave enough to actually ask this question. My birthday is July 16 and I hope he is home by then. I have no idea if that is a long shot, reasonable request or way over shooting it.
Yesterday I was talking to him after the surgery and he was trying to hard to arch those eyebrows (which are barely there) to try to get his little eyes open and it sort of worked, but he was so drugged he ended up just going back to sleep.
He has some amazing nurses and that helps me sleep at night...literally. I can call at any time and they never seem annoyed or put out. They are truly among the most special people on earth.
Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing and I can't really answer that, mainly because I have no idea. I'm in a state of shock with periodic bouts of sanity. I'm not crazy crying all the time, but I cry everyday. I still see the humor in some things that have happened, but I don't laugh as hard as I normally would. I will be a full fledged Nikki again, when my Parker is home.
Josh is amazing. He does not handle seeing Parker very well, but he will do anything to make sure I have what I need. He seems to be upset, but optimistic.
We know that we are (hopefully) on the upswing here and that Parker is as healthy as he can be at the moment and he will continue to get healthier each day.
Two pieces of humor to let you know that I am still Nikki and I will be ok...eventually
When I was in labor and the contractions were terrible, I heard my doctor talking to someone in my room, a nurse I think. I am not sure what the nurse said to prompt this comment, but I heard my doctor say, "No, the contractions are not close enough together." Some how in between these wretching contractions I managed to squeak out, "They are to me!" I am not sure what her response was...
Moments later I lay there on the operating table as they were prepping me for the c-section. Again a nurse asked my doctor if she should shave me. I was under some heavy numbing medicine at this point, but I did manage to defend myself a bit by saying, "I would have taken care of that, but this is all happening a week early!" p.s. My doctor said there was not time to shave and I'm assuming began cutting...I was way numb!
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Small milestones to some
I want to thank everyone who responded to the email and is reading this blog.
Parker has been put on a lot of prayer lists and we really appreciate that.
I continue to visit him everyday. I am not allowed to drive because of the c-section, but my my mom has stayed in Calvert County and takes me up and back every day. She is amazing. Being a mom myself, now I completely understand how someone can be so selfless especially when their baby is hurting. I need to sit by Parker side for about 4 to 5 hours everyday and just hold his hand. I would love to do it more, but after 4 to 5 hours I am drained and end up spending the rest of my night crying off and on.
Since the last post we have had some milestones which may seem small to most, but are the world to us.
We have a surgery date of July 1 pretty much nailed down, but we do not have the time yet. They keep reminding us that Hopkins is a trauma center and if a "more serious" case comes up, Parker will get bumped. They also tell us this is good news because if he is bumpable then he is stable. I know what they are saying, but somehow, I fail to see that as ok.
Parker was Baptised today. We only did this because it is something we wanted to do anyway and after all we have been through up to this point, we took advantage of a service the hospital provided. We did not do this because of some dark reason related to him having surgery. They do tell us that he is strong and should pull through surgery just fine.
For the first time today my son opened his eyes.
He has been trying like hell to do this for two days and today it finally happened. It was only in little spurts and his eyes were not all the way open, but for a few seconds we could look at each other. It was almost heaven. I say almost, because there is only one thing that could top that and that one thing also occured today.
I got to hold my son for the first time today.
It was amazing.
We sat there for...forever and he just fell esleep in my arms. I wished so bad that we were home so that I could sleep with him.
We have no idea how long after surgery he will have to wait before he comes home. I do know that they want to start giving him the milk I leave there for him asap via the tube that us in his stomach. Once they see he can process it ok, they will remove that tube and start feeding him normally. He has a ventalator in as well so before he can eat for real, that needs to be removed, but he is on the lowest setting right now and we are hoping the levels do not change post surgery.
There are a few more very sad things that I do not want to write about because I do not want to document them.
I saw my baby's eyes and held him today, that is what I want to remember.
Parker has been put on a lot of prayer lists and we really appreciate that.
I continue to visit him everyday. I am not allowed to drive because of the c-section, but my my mom has stayed in Calvert County and takes me up and back every day. She is amazing. Being a mom myself, now I completely understand how someone can be so selfless especially when their baby is hurting. I need to sit by Parker side for about 4 to 5 hours everyday and just hold his hand. I would love to do it more, but after 4 to 5 hours I am drained and end up spending the rest of my night crying off and on.
Since the last post we have had some milestones which may seem small to most, but are the world to us.
We have a surgery date of July 1 pretty much nailed down, but we do not have the time yet. They keep reminding us that Hopkins is a trauma center and if a "more serious" case comes up, Parker will get bumped. They also tell us this is good news because if he is bumpable then he is stable. I know what they are saying, but somehow, I fail to see that as ok.
Parker was Baptised today. We only did this because it is something we wanted to do anyway and after all we have been through up to this point, we took advantage of a service the hospital provided. We did not do this because of some dark reason related to him having surgery. They do tell us that he is strong and should pull through surgery just fine.
For the first time today my son opened his eyes.
He has been trying like hell to do this for two days and today it finally happened. It was only in little spurts and his eyes were not all the way open, but for a few seconds we could look at each other. It was almost heaven. I say almost, because there is only one thing that could top that and that one thing also occured today.
I got to hold my son for the first time today.
It was amazing.
We sat there for...forever and he just fell esleep in my arms. I wished so bad that we were home so that I could sleep with him.
We have no idea how long after surgery he will have to wait before he comes home. I do know that they want to start giving him the milk I leave there for him asap via the tube that us in his stomach. Once they see he can process it ok, they will remove that tube and start feeding him normally. He has a ventalator in as well so before he can eat for real, that needs to be removed, but he is on the lowest setting right now and we are hoping the levels do not change post surgery.
There are a few more very sad things that I do not want to write about because I do not want to document them.
I saw my baby's eyes and held him today, that is what I want to remember.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Is this some sort of test?
My life has changed drastically since the last post. I will do my best to fill you in...
On June 24 at 10:30p.m. Parker Scott Phillips was brought into the world via emergency c-section.
My mom happened to be visiting that day and as we were trying to figure out what to do about dinner, a strange, warm, uncontrollable, but not gushy fluid started occurring. I ignored it at first. It happened about 3 times in 30 minutes and when I stood up it happened again, only a bit more intensely. I calmly walked upstairs, thinking maybe it was just an embarrassing bladder situation, and changed my pants. It happened again.
I told Josh I thought my water was breaking and he said he thought it was another false alarm. Ignoring him now, I called the maternity ward at the hospital and they suggested that I come in because it probably was my water. (Time: 7:00p.m.)
When we got there, I changed, they tested the fluid and sure enough my water broke, Parker was getting ready to formally introduce himself to us!!
I did not have contractions right away, but by the time I saw my doctor I could feel them. On a scale of 1 to 10 I rated them at a 4. Noticeable, but ignorable. Within about 10 minutes they sky rocketed to a solid 8/9. I got an epidural and my doctor mentioned that she was not happy with Parker's heart rate. They like it to bounce around in the 140-150 range, Parker's held steady at 160. They gave me fluids and an epidural. She told me that after the epidural she would give me 15 minutes to get it under control and if that did not happen she would have to do an emergency c-section because the heart rate indicated that the baby was not happy. My contractions were also very irregular.
The heart rate did not improve.
His umbilical cord was wrapped around the top of his head like a headband and every time I contracted his head pressed on the cord, cutting off his oxygen and blood supply.
I was rushed to the OR and my epidural, which never kicked, was increased. I was laying on the operating table, getting prepped for a c-section. Josh was running around trying to get his scrubs on and find my mom.
Before I knew what was happening, Josh was there in navy blue scrubs and my view of anything but the ceiling was blocked by a large blue surgical tarp. I was being told that the doctor was about to pull Parker out. It seemed like only seconds had passed.
I hear his gurgley cry.
My son is here. 8lbs. 12oz.
He is crying.
Josh is crying.
I'm in shock, but beyond happy. Those of you who do not have kids yet, will think you understand what I mean, but I'm telling you that you have NO idea what I mean when I say I was beyond happy.
They clean him up and hand him to Josh. They attempt to clean me up, but I threw up all over the place. There were chucks in my hair and there was so much throw up on the gown that they just cut it off of me and gave me a new one.
When they wheeled me to recovery, my body temperature was 95 degrees. I needed to get that temp and blood pressure regulated before I was allowed to go to my room. It took an hour, which is normal.
I knew that I was not going to get to see Parker right away because of the c-section, so I was not surprised when he was not in my room when I got there.
However, the emergency c-section was the easy part.
About 4 hours after birth, Parker was helicoptered to Hopkins because the hospital could not regulate his breathing and could not identify the problem. At Hopkins we found out that he has a hole in his diaphragm that developed in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. All the organs on his left side are pushed up into his chest. He is currently waiting to get surgery, which will hopefully occur on Tuesday, July 1, one day before his original due date.
I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday morning, 36 hours after the c-section, and spend most of the day with Parker. I went back today and just sat with him for hours. I have been pumping milk so that when he can eat, he will have the best stuff around.
Everyone tells me he looks great and is strong and beautiful. He is beautiful to me because he is my baby, but this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. All the doctors and nurses keep asking me if I have any questions and the only question I have is when will he come home and the only answer they can give me for that is, "We can't say for sure."
Every mom who gets to go in to the hospital, have her baby and leave with her baby takes it for granted. There is no way you can understand this pain until you lived through it, there is just no way.
I am very sad, but trying to stay strong and keep pumping for Parker. I have not gone a day without crying, intensely, about this yet. I know my baby will be ok. I know he will be ok because he wraps his little fist around my index finger and does not let go until I leave, which is the hardest part of my day...of my life.
I'm going to do my best to keep this blog updated and I hope you just check it regularly. I cannot make phone calls to all the amazing people who love Parker and I hope you all understand. I will do my best to keep you in the loop through this. At the very least I will let you know how surgery goes on Tuesday.
Thank you
Love you
Nikki
On June 24 at 10:30p.m. Parker Scott Phillips was brought into the world via emergency c-section.
My mom happened to be visiting that day and as we were trying to figure out what to do about dinner, a strange, warm, uncontrollable, but not gushy fluid started occurring. I ignored it at first. It happened about 3 times in 30 minutes and when I stood up it happened again, only a bit more intensely. I calmly walked upstairs, thinking maybe it was just an embarrassing bladder situation, and changed my pants. It happened again.
I told Josh I thought my water was breaking and he said he thought it was another false alarm. Ignoring him now, I called the maternity ward at the hospital and they suggested that I come in because it probably was my water. (Time: 7:00p.m.)
When we got there, I changed, they tested the fluid and sure enough my water broke, Parker was getting ready to formally introduce himself to us!!
I did not have contractions right away, but by the time I saw my doctor I could feel them. On a scale of 1 to 10 I rated them at a 4. Noticeable, but ignorable. Within about 10 minutes they sky rocketed to a solid 8/9. I got an epidural and my doctor mentioned that she was not happy with Parker's heart rate. They like it to bounce around in the 140-150 range, Parker's held steady at 160. They gave me fluids and an epidural. She told me that after the epidural she would give me 15 minutes to get it under control and if that did not happen she would have to do an emergency c-section because the heart rate indicated that the baby was not happy. My contractions were also very irregular.
The heart rate did not improve.
His umbilical cord was wrapped around the top of his head like a headband and every time I contracted his head pressed on the cord, cutting off his oxygen and blood supply.
I was rushed to the OR and my epidural, which never kicked, was increased. I was laying on the operating table, getting prepped for a c-section. Josh was running around trying to get his scrubs on and find my mom.
Before I knew what was happening, Josh was there in navy blue scrubs and my view of anything but the ceiling was blocked by a large blue surgical tarp. I was being told that the doctor was about to pull Parker out. It seemed like only seconds had passed.
I hear his gurgley cry.
My son is here. 8lbs. 12oz.
He is crying.
Josh is crying.
I'm in shock, but beyond happy. Those of you who do not have kids yet, will think you understand what I mean, but I'm telling you that you have NO idea what I mean when I say I was beyond happy.
They clean him up and hand him to Josh. They attempt to clean me up, but I threw up all over the place. There were chucks in my hair and there was so much throw up on the gown that they just cut it off of me and gave me a new one.
When they wheeled me to recovery, my body temperature was 95 degrees. I needed to get that temp and blood pressure regulated before I was allowed to go to my room. It took an hour, which is normal.
I knew that I was not going to get to see Parker right away because of the c-section, so I was not surprised when he was not in my room when I got there.
However, the emergency c-section was the easy part.
About 4 hours after birth, Parker was helicoptered to Hopkins because the hospital could not regulate his breathing and could not identify the problem. At Hopkins we found out that he has a hole in his diaphragm that developed in the last few weeks of the pregnancy. All the organs on his left side are pushed up into his chest. He is currently waiting to get surgery, which will hopefully occur on Tuesday, July 1, one day before his original due date.
I was discharged from the hospital on Thursday morning, 36 hours after the c-section, and spend most of the day with Parker. I went back today and just sat with him for hours. I have been pumping milk so that when he can eat, he will have the best stuff around.
Everyone tells me he looks great and is strong and beautiful. He is beautiful to me because he is my baby, but this is the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. All the doctors and nurses keep asking me if I have any questions and the only question I have is when will he come home and the only answer they can give me for that is, "We can't say for sure."
Every mom who gets to go in to the hospital, have her baby and leave with her baby takes it for granted. There is no way you can understand this pain until you lived through it, there is just no way.
I am very sad, but trying to stay strong and keep pumping for Parker. I have not gone a day without crying, intensely, about this yet. I know my baby will be ok. I know he will be ok because he wraps his little fist around my index finger and does not let go until I leave, which is the hardest part of my day...of my life.
I'm going to do my best to keep this blog updated and I hope you just check it regularly. I cannot make phone calls to all the amazing people who love Parker and I hope you all understand. I will do my best to keep you in the loop through this. At the very least I will let you know how surgery goes on Tuesday.
Thank you
Love you
Nikki
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