I'm just going to run to the store

"Kissy Face"

Think about your weekend. How many times did you say, "I'm just going to run to the store. I'll be right back." I bet you said it at least once. I will also bet that before you even finished the phrase you had run your errand and were on your way home. This is unless you have a kid.

I have learned that "I'm just going to run to the store. I'll be right back." is a laughable phrase. This is because it gives the illusion of things happening quickly. The only things that happen quickly are the headaches that come during/after one of Parker's screaming sessions, the groggy trip down the stairs in the middle of the night to feed him and how dirty the house gets mere seconds after I clean it. (Which, p.s. is not often these days.) Actually that is not that fair, Parker has had a few night where he has slept all the way through and even on his worse nights he only gets up once or twice, so I better shut-up about that.

Back to the point at hand- moving quickly from point A to point B is a non-possiblity now. When I make the choice to go to the store to just to pick up a few things, I end up being gone for about 4 days. Us new mom's have to think about the following things:
-Does his diaper need to be changed?
-Is it likely that it will need to be changed while we are out? If I do not bring diapers there is guaranteed to be an explosion worthy of a HAZMAT team, so I might as well change him now and bring a jumbo pack of diapers with me.
-When is he suppose to eat again? I will bring a bottle just in case...maybe I will bring two just in case, never know when there may be traffic, nevermind the store is pretty much within walking distance.
-Hummm the store is within walking distance, should I walk and try to burn some extra mommy calories?
-No I will drive.
-Is the stroller in the car? Yes! I'm so on the ball!
-But maybe I should make sure the baby holster is in there too because how am I going to push a cart and a stroller?
-Should I change the baby so he is in warmer clothes, grocery stores/Walmart/etc. can get cold?

The whole thing makes me want to turn Amish and live off the land...HA! I bet Jedidiah's wife isn't worried about pushing a stroller and a grocery cart at the same time.

Clearly you can see how a "quick trip" to the store is anything but.
By the time you leave the house you are so bogged down with crap it's not even worth it.
Also, while at the store you have to deal with the other people who ventured out that day. When people in Target stop me to see how old he is and then ask to see his face as I am balancing him, a box of wipes, a new pair of shoes, CD, dog treats and something I am going to try and pass off as dinner all in my arms, I want to SCREAM at them and say, "Take the baby ok, hold him and stare at his face while I load up the car...you are not like a sex offender or kidnapper are you?!"

I'm learning this is all a balancing act between my life prior to mommyhood and my life now, between what was important and what is important and between tv shows I used to love to watch and reading to Parker. Yes I read to him and he seems to like it I swear.

So if you learn something from me today learn that being a mom does not mean giving up the person you are now, in fact if you do give up that person you will go crazy.

Also, I will share with you the best thing in the world. It has nothing to do with cheesecake or chocolate, nor does it even compare to an affordable Prada purse or fitting into jeans you wore in high school. The best thing in the world is when your son looks you straight in the eyes and smiles at you because you are his mommy.

Poop Happens...or not

The poopy saga continues.
When Parker first came home all of his diapers were filled with or had reminiscent of both tinkles and poopies. As of late, as mentioned in the previous posts, the diapers had been lacking the poo portion.
After several suppositories (4 actually...well actually it was 2 whole infant suppositories cut in half longways) I called the doctor's office and made an appointment thinking clearly something was wrong and fearing that something was related to all the drama in Parker's first 2 weeks of life.
This is how the exchange went:

Me: Doctor, he is not pooping. He will go if I give him 1/2 a suppository, which I have been doing every 24 hours.

Doctor: What does it look like when he goes?

Me: Mustard. Mustard with seeds in it. (sorry if I just forever ruined mustard for you)

Doctor: Ok, that is good. How often have you given him suppositories?

At this point a thought is now crossing my mind, since I just told her I have been doing this every 24 hours and the tone of her question was not that of information gathering, but more of a "you did what?" tone, I'm thinking I may be doing something wrong...

Me: Ummm...every 24 hours....

Doctor: Ok...
Once babies turn about 2 months their digestive systems start to mature. It is completely normal and ok for them to not have a bowel movement for 2 to 3 days. If by the end of the 4th day he still has not gone, give him a suppository and call me.

Me: So I am over medicating him.

Doctor: Well...I'm sure you were worried.

Now, here I am approaching day #3 of no BM from Parker. I am trying very hard not to give him the suppositories. In fact, we are once again at my parents house so he could meet his Aunt Megan. I did not bring the suppositories with me, so that I would not be tempted to use them. However, on Saturday night I broke down and bought some. Josh came to Rite Aid with me and again, I had an interesting interaction involving the baby butt bullets (BBB).
I walked up to the counter with Josh and put the BBB and a pack of gum on the counter. I said, "Baby suppositories and gum...just another Saturday night." The checkout girl giggled, but was probably thinking, "shut up."
So I pushed on with my comedy routine because if you cannot have a sense of humor about inserting medicine into your son's hind-quarters, what can you have a sense of humor about?
Anyway, I then said, "And we don't even have a baby!"
That got a chuckle from the Rite Aid checkout girl and I felt like I made her night a little brighter, yeh me!

We came home and I set the jar of suppositories on the counter and stared at them, much like a recovering alcoholic must start at a bottle of vodka at the company Christmas party.
"I'll just give him one more half and then I will let his system handle the BM's from then on. Just one more man! One more for old time's sake, just to give me something to remember!!!"

Similarly to that successful recovering alcoholic though, I did not cave. Parker (and I) have been suppository free since Wednesday morning and it is now Sunday early afternoon. (He moved things through on his own Thursday evening.)

I promise this will not turn into the Poop Chronicles of Parker Phillips. However, my life is revolving around the digestive system of an almost 11 week old.

I did go back to work, teaching at College of Southern Maryland part time. I love it because it is the best of both worlds. I get to spend the majority of my day monitoring Parker's diapers, but I get to be a normal adult for a few hours each week too.

Josh has to go out of town for work this week, which means it will be me vs. Parker ...or I mean me and Parker Tuesday through Thursday night. It's anyone's game and the lightening round at the end will determine the true winner, stay tuned!

*UPDATE*

I feel I rightfully earned my mom badge during the NICU situation. However, I would like someone to tell me where I can go to collect my gold star to be placed on said badge.

I ended up having to give Parker a suppository. I had to cut it in half long-ways. I gave..inserted...placed the first half a few days ago and there was a major explosion and thankfully I was not home, but Josh was. This morning I gave him the other half and again, he produced the desired results, but I was on the receiving end this time. I tried to tell Josh that it is not my policy to change explosive poopy diapers. He rolled his eyes and walked away...

Also, p.s. I missed the first explosive diaper because I was out buying jeans as I have none. I did have to get a pair that are a size bigger than I was this time last year, BUT I did find one style in the GAP and I was able to buy my normal size! Sadly, I was not all that happy with my "normal" size, but I joined the gym and am on a mission, so hopefully I'm on the right track to loosing a little more weight...if not I know where I can get some suppositories to help things along...

Suppositories: They Get Things Going...

But apparently not quite as well as taking your baby out in public does!
In the last post I mentioned my monkey was having trouble passing things through his tiny digestive system. That problem resolved itself in a couple smallish explosions throughout the day after the post. However, in the last 48 hours, Parker has held it in. There has been a lot of grunting, kicking, screaming and crying on both of our parts in dealing with this issue. I was trying to just let him work it out, but finally this morning I called the doctor. I was PRAYING there was an ORAL...ORAL medicine I could give him to help out.

There is something I can give him.


And it ain't oral.

It's of the butt-insertion variety, aka suppositories.

I called the doctor on my way to the gym- yes I joined a gym near my house and they watch Parker while I attempt to get myself back to something resembling a woman and not a mom-blob. Anyway, the doctor told me about the baby "magic bullets" (if you have ever seen suppositories you are probably laughing now, if you have not, consider yourself lucky). Parker must have heard what we were saying and gotten very frightened. For when I was finishing the last set on the last machine I was doing today, a woman came over to me and said, "Do you have a baby in the daycare? He just pooped."

It is their policy not to change poopy diapers. Nice policy, eh?

By the way, she is being very general when she calls what my son did, poop. It was an explosion worthy of note on CNN or MSNBC. The crawl below would warn the public not to inhale unless absolutely necessary. The graphic over the reporters shoulder would be of woman and children running away with looks of panic and fear on their faces.

Needless to say when your torso is about 12 inches long and your mom keeps feeding you despite the fact that you have not released anything in 48 hours, crap is backed-up. The offending material almost reached his hair, which he does not have much of.

When I finally got it all cleaned up and put Pooper in the car seat to venture home, he yawned real big, smiled and passed out. No shit -ha!

This brings me to my next point. I can cuss something awful. I am good at it. I can throw 4 letter words into my conversation like nobody's f-ing business b-tches. F that S.

However, I am realizing that very soon Parker will be able to understand and mimic everything I say. Getting reigned in from your workout because your son took a major poo is one thing, but getting called out because your 2 year old cussed out the Daycare lady is another story. Especially if he does it correctly, meaning the cusses make sense- calling someone a sh*thead is very different from calling them a sh*tfoot or something, catch my drift?
I don't Parker to be the asshat in daycare. Damn, I shouldn't have said asshat...shi...da..I just can't seem to stop!
So I have started using phrases like:
Mother of Pearl
Jiminey Christmas
God Bless America
and my personal favorite- Sweet Corn
Sweet corn can be used in situations like- "Sweet corn, where did I leave my car keys?!" or "Sweet corn I stubbed my toe." or just yell "Sweet corn!" in place of any other cuss you may want to yell. If nothing else you will laugh, how can you not? It's sweet corn!

Finally, some people ask me how Josh is doing with "this." They say this.
I'm not sure if "this" is Parker, fatherhood in general or the crazy momwife I have become. Either way, Josh is doing great. So far I have come to realize parenthood is best played as a team sport. When one of us is slacking, stressed or has a heel injury, the other steps in with the tape and some ice and takes over.

Poop, drugs and rock n' roll

I am gearing up for another trip to G-ma and G-pa's house. We leave next Wednesday, I am mentally making my packing list now...5 days early.

One thing I know I need more of is diapers. When we went last time I took a new pack of 44 diapers, thinking that would be enough for a 5 day trip. I was off by 8 diapers and wouldn't you know they do not sell them in singles, so I had to buy another pack. This time I will know that and will come armed with the proper amount of poop-catchers. Although, as of this moment Parker has not pooped in about 14 hours and I am scared.

I am not scared because I think something is wrong, for gas is being passed, just no bowel. I am scared because I know there is an impending explosion and I am on the receiving end. It's like when you were a kid and you broke your mom's porcelain...something and attempted to glue it back together and placed it strategically back on the shelf so she will not see it. However, every time she went into the room where said broken-"repaired"- porcelain whatever was, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Your jaw tightened, you broke out in a a sweat and you were desperately looking for someone else to clean up your dirty work.

I'm thinking about cutting feet holes into a Ziploc freezer bag and just putting Parker in that until the explosion occurs.
Thoughts?

One reason for the non-poop issue may be this new infant anti-gas medicine I found called Gripe Water. Although I have come to LOVE Gripe Water and I really think the cause of his back-up is due to the fact that he has had more formula in the last 24 hours than breast milk due to the fact that I am trying to build up my supply in the freezer. I horde breast milk like a squirrel hordes nuts. They are like little frozen trophies or something. I cannot explain it, but if you have ever pumped/nursed a baby you understand.
Back to the Gripe Water. This stuff is like baby crack. If Parker gets the hiccups, which is often, I let him go until he starts to get pissy about them and then I give him half a dose of Gripe Water and presto, hiccups gone, happy baby back! If you know someone who is going to have a baby and you love them, you may want to investigate Gripe Water for them. It can be hard to find, but I talked to my pediatrician and she said if I can get my hands on it and it works, go for it. It is from Thailand or something, but like any desperate mother, if it works--I say GIVEITTOME!

Another item you may want to gift to a new mom is something from the website swaddledesigns.com, look at their swaddle blankets. Now, I know they sell blankets for swaddling everywhere and for a little less money. I am telling you, these swaddle blankets are the best!! They are big and soft and no matter how much Parker kicks his little feet, it does not come unswaddled. I have made it my mission to buy one of these for all the pregnant ladies I know. In return maybe I can get the fine swaddle design people to sponsor this blog or something...

Finally, I hate kid's cartoons and songs. We have attempted to watch The Backyardigans and some other show that involves a hamspter, turtle and so other animal and they sing a lot about teamwork. Instead Parker and I watch a lot of Will and Grace and Frasier because I think they have a good amount of quick-wit and intelligent humor. Two things I hope Parker (and all my children) posses. We also do not listen to any Disney or other silly children CD's in the car. We listen to Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, Van Morrison and Dave Matthews to name a few. I want Parker to know where good music comes from. I tell him who is singing whatever song is on the radio and tell him any memories I may have linked to that song. (Don't worry, I make them G-rated). I think it will help him know me and the world of music a bit better than the "Wheels on the Bus" will. However, I have flashed forward to when he is in Kindergarten and while the other kids are singing "This Old Man" my son will be signing "All Along the Watchtower" and immediately be labeled a stoner.

Am I setting him up for failure?

P.S. Parker gives shout-outs to his aunt's Lynsey and Megan who both had birthday's this summer...

Did you know..?

We have successfully returned for our trip to Grandma's house and no one was run over by a reindeer!

I found out a few things about my baby while I was there and some of these may prove to either be helpful tips for you or sheer entertainment at the amazement of simple things to a new mom.

First of all I have gotten a lot of questions about the car seat I spoke about so much in this blog, pre-baby. We got it in the car and it is very secure. There is even a strap that goes under the actual seat in the car and hooks into something in the back of my car. It is so secure in fact that the person in the passenger seat cannot recline in anyway seeing how the seat fits perfectly behind it in the rear facing position. It will remain that way until Parker is about a year or so old.
Now when we took him from the NICU I was curious as to how I was going to get to take him.
Was I going to be allowed to carry him?
Was someone going to have to cart him out in a bassinet?
Is there a team of doctors and nurses who form some sort of conveyor belt and pass him from one to the next until he reaches the front door?

When I asked one of his nurses this question she said that I would have to get the car seat and bring it into the NICU so they can a) see that I have a car seat and b) that Parker fits in it properly. Now, I do not have one of those all popular carrier things that hook into the base in the car and also into the stroller. I'm sorry if you have one, I thought that seemed a bit useless. (However, after this, who's laughing now?!) I tried to explain all of this to the nurse and tell her I went to great lengths to get the car seat in the car correctly (clearly she does not read the blog) and it is rather big. I asked if one of the nurse's could just come to car with me and check all that stuff out. They went around and around with me about this. Suggesting I take the car seat out of my car, put it on a wheelchair, wheel it up to the NICU, let them check it, put Parker in it, put the car seat back in the wheelchair-with Parker- and roll out.

Ummm

WhAt!?

Does that make sense to anyone?

Take a perfectly secure car seat out and then go careening down the halls of Hopkins with my 2 week old-recovering from surgery son?

In the end a nurse who throws caution to the wind along with dumb rules, wheeled him to the car in a bassinet, barely looked at the car seat and rolled herself back into the hospital.

Anyway- things I learned while at G-ma and G-pa's house.
1. At one of the baby classes Josh and I went to they told us not to give our baby water. They said, "Babies don't get thirsty. There is plenty of water in breast milk." Well.
What I learned was they were wrong. Water in a bottle not only helps quiet a crying-screaming baby, but it also teaches them how to use a bottle. He does not drink a lot of water, maybe a ounce and hour, but he likes to have a little something to suck on pre-meal. An aqua-tizer if you will.

2. Formula is not the devil. I breastfeed Parker. I am not particularly a fan of breastfeeding as I have mentioned. However, I want him to be as healthy as possible, so I do it. However, he is a slow eater. It takes him about 40 to 60 minutes to nurse and I am suppose to nurse him every 3 hours. That means I live my day in two hour increments of when I am not breastfeeding. I did not want to spend 1/3 of my visit at my mom's in a room by myself with Parker, nursing. So I rented a pump before we left (*I will come back to this pump rental). I can pump out all my milk in 10 minutes, while someone else is feeding my monkey. When we are out and I cannot pump and I do not want to take breast milk for fear it may spoil, I bring formula. He likes it and gets one or two formula bottles a day and I am happier. It is a personal choice, but it really works for me.
Yes I rented a pump and no it is not gross. My milk does not touch anything that anyone else's milk touched, it is basically the size of a car battery and just provides the motor for the pump action.

3. Finally and most important- My mom is the most incredible resource I never knew I had. When I was pregnant with Parker I always said that I wanted to come home from the hospital and have it just be Parker, Josh and me for a week or two before we had any visitor, including grandparents. I know I had a rocky start and that threw off my idea, but I couldn't be happier about my messed up plan. Ladies- mostly new moms and pending new moms- know that your own mother, or if she is not in the picture, your mother-in-law is the best resource. They love you and that baby more than anything and they will do whatever you need them to. They will smile and tell you that you are doing a great job even while you are crying because you feel guilty about introducing formula. Your mom will take the baby to make sure you go have fun with your sister so that you can remember what it is like to be Nikki er yourself for a little bit. She will take the baby on the last night of the visit so that you can get a full night's sleep so you are able to drive the next day.
Don't get me wrong husband's are great, but no one knows what you are thinking and feeling like a mother.
When you feel like everything is floating above you, she will help you pin it down.

Have Baby Will Travel

Parker, Abby and I went out on an adventure to see Grammy and Grandpa.
We left on Thursday.

I started packing on Monday.

I successfully packed everything we needed and I do not think I forgot anything. Although it is hard to forget something when you pack EVERYTHING. My Santa Fe was beyond packed. Poor Parker had to hold his own suitcase on his lap for the whole trip.
Kidding.
Sort of.

My goal was to leave my house by 10a.m. I have said that since the birth of my little monkey (that is what I call Parker) time is merely a suggestion. I try not to watch the clock too much, but I wanted to get on the road and quick. After I packed the car and monkey had another satisfying meal at McBoob, we were off.

We were three miles into the trip here and Abby pukes in the front seat. I had to pull over in a church parking lot and clean up my dog, who apparently was recovering from some sort of a bender from the night before.

I got her all cleaned up thanks to a bottle of water I had brought for myself to drink, thanks Abby. And we were back on our way to Grandma's house. We got about another 30 miles, Annapolis, and I needed to get some cash. I go the the Bank of America's ATM only to find that my debit card does not work. Long story short, Josh needed a new debit card and I guess BOA thought that meant I needed a new one too. The one I had, was not the new one.

I went on, cashless.

I went on to Chil-Fil-A to get hangover Abby some nuggets to settle her stomach. For every college graduate knows grease helps a hangover.

We continued on our journey to Ocean City with all the other tourons.

Except for an intense need to pee at about the Easton mark (90-ish miles from our desitnation) and not quite sure how to deal with Parker in this situation, the trip was uneventful, after the first few events.

P.S. I did not pee until I got to my parent's house. I basically threw Parker into Lynsey's arms, let Abby roam the yard and I sprinted into the house barely making it to the toilet. At one point in the ride I considered putting on one of Parker's diapers and let things flow.

P.P.S. Abby was not drunk. I think she was a bit carsick. Who knows.

We are 24 hours into the vaca. I will report back with details. Although as a teaser, my mom took Parker to the Crab Cake Factory and she let this random OC trash take his picture and then they thought mom was Parker's mom. This all occurred while I was getting a Delmarvelous haricut. It's been fun.