Santa Fe Explorer--

I recently discovered the title of the blog is a bit of a misnomer.

I will explain.

On Tuesday, January 26 we had a bit of a snow and ice issue in our area. On his way home, Josh's car fishtailed off the road and ran through a street sign. After a little more sliding the episode ended when the driver side of his car hit a telephone poll. The passenger side airbag deployed.

Josh walked away with only a bruise on his hand.

The car was totalled.

We are amazed by how blessed we are.

It was an emotional few days, but then reality set in and we realized we were going to be forced to purchase a vehicle. We, of course, have not budgeted for said vehicle. In the world of Phillips Family Vehicle Purchasing it is my turn. However, the world is not always fair and just in the way of car purchases, so we are also staying open to the idea that it may be more economical for Josh to get a 4 door sedan(ish) type thing with good gas milage.

Now, judging by the title of this blog, you would probably guess that if it is me who in fact gets the "new" car, I would be chomping at the bit to finally get my minivan and become an ACTUAL minivan lover.

Weeellllll....

Not so much it would seem.

Long story short (don't worry, OF COURSE, I will tell you the long story) if it is me who end up with the new vehicle, I will likely end up with an 08 Ford Explorer or something similar.

Here is the story-
I was all ready to get a minivan until it was time to get a minivan. I went into panic mode. Like, wow this is it. I'm 28 and I'm going to be rocking out to NKOTB, Dave Matthews and Kayne West in a Dodge Caravan with automatic sliding side doors and Cheerio holders in the armrests. Prince's "Kiss" would no longer be blaring from my stereo. It would be replaced by "The Ants Go Marching" and other sing-alongs. No longer will it be appropriate to have "Damn the Man" and "I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying" bumper stickers. In their places would be "Baby on Board" and "I Brake for PTA Meetings" signs suction cupped to the inside of the windows.

I do not know why I went into such a panic over the very possible purchase of a minivan. I am not defined by what I drive. Actually, if you knew me in high school, you would probably disagree greatly with that statement. For those of you who did not know me then, I drove a '86 VW Golf- Raspberry in color. It sounded like a go kart, naturally. The driver side window was broken and it not have cup holders nor did it even have a tape player. I had a newer radio put in it, with a CD player, the 6 CD changer was located in the hatchback. Meaning I had to preload the CD's before I left, or I would have to pull over on the side of the road, risking life and limb to change out DMB CD's.
I once was at a party- I mean a gathering of law abiding high schoolers who were not at all partaking in any illegal underage drinking- and a girl came in and said, "Who drives the purple Golf?"

--Purple? please, clearly it was raspberry--

Fearing she hit it, I raised my hand and said, "Me."

She said, "I LOVE that car. I see it everywhere and I always wondered who drove it!"

I guess I do feel like my car is an extension of my identity and I am not ready to be an official Soccer Mom yet.

So here is the plan- (really, do you care? You must, you are still reading...)

We just put a lot of money into my Santa Fe (what I currently drive) and it has 100k miles on it. If I get the "new" car, Josh will take Fe and drive it for 2 (or so) more years. Then in 2 years during the year of the pig and summer solstice when the stars align and the moon is in Capricorn rising, Josh will take the Explorer and we will trade the Santa Fe in for my minivan. In other words, if all goes as planned I will be in a minivan on or around 2011 or 2012. I can handle this- mentally and physically.

The end result will be the same if Josh ends up getting the car this time around-- I will drive Fe into the ground for the next few years, Josh will get something sensible and in a couple years we will trade Fe in.

Either way, come 2012-ish, Fe is a goner.

Another reason I am not currently rolling in a MV is that the one I thought I liked, a Nissan Quest, was SO unbearably uncomfortable that during the test drive I had to pull over in a parking lot to attempt to readjust. When we got back to the dealer lot, I told the salesman that in the short test drive I think I developed several knots in my back, he replied, "Well, you can adjust the seats."

Really now?
Really?

Every time we go car shopping I come home frustrated. But then I see this face...

...and I mean really...

Um...This May Be Awkward

So I raised a little hell about only having- now 2- followers. *Do not let the word only discourage you, Paul and Nancy. You are both Aces in my book!*
Anyway, since complaining...ok whining about not having as many followers as Nancy, I have been asked by several of you how you can actually become followers.

I will pull back the curtain.

I --

I don't know.

I'm fairly sure it requires a gmail account, blood sample and adopting a small child from a foreign country. Seriously. I think you at least need a gmail account. Past that, I got nothin'.

**UPDATE**- I wrote this and then did some investigatging and changed some of my settings. I'm still not exactly sure how you become a follower, BUT you should be able to leave a comment!! Be nice or I will make it nearly impossible again!

In other news, I foresee a very awkward, I mean more awkward than normal, first kiss in Parker's future. Since the boy does not have any teeth, and there is very little- nothing in fact- I can do to make that happen any quicker coupled with the fact that he now goes into a full blown tantrum at the mere mention of a sucky cup, I have moved on and am trying to teach him other new things.

P.S. I thought I had a bit longer until I had to deal with temper tantrums, but he is my son (read earlier posts related to all my breakdowns in Babies R Us) and his zodiac sign is cancer, as is mine. I fear that in the very near future it is a real possibility that both of us will be screaming and crying on the floor of the local Safeway in a tiff related to the purchasing (or non-purchasing) of Skittles in the checkout line.

Although come to think of it, we were not far off from this the other day. In a Safeway actually. I just needed to pop in for a few quick things. (Just typing that sentence makes me chuckle. Mommies very rarely- if ever- are able to pop in to anything real quick- be it Safeway, jeans, the bathroom...). Pfunk was sitting in the cart. His coat and monkey hat were still on because we were in the produce section and it is darn chilly there. This woman, who had a gaggle of children with her, looked at Parker, looked at me, and said, "Um. His hands are really red." I looked at the hands, looked at her and said:

"Yep."

And rolled on. What I wanted to say was, "Shut the hell up old bag! Why don't you wipe the snot off of junior face before his siter, Sally licks it off herself. Also, your other daughter needs a haircut as she cannot see through those thick bangs she's got going on."

Through the store we kept coming across things like this. People just being generally unaware of how to act in public.

So I did it.

I left a cart, half full of food and other items, in the middle of the meat section. I grabbed Pfunk, my wallet and the recycled grocery bags and we left the store, got in the car and drive across the street to Giant. God that felt good!

In other news related to people saying things they shouldn't. The other day when it was, admittingly, bitter cold outside, I went to the gym and then to get coffee for Josh and me at a local place on my way home. I had just come from the gym and was wearing a fleece and shorts. My plan was to actually just pop in to the coffee place and pop back into the car. No lingering. Popping was possible in this case because I was without Pmoney.

One woman in the coffee shop commented on my bare legs. Her comment was more of a curious question than anything, "Aren't you chilly?" I replied that I just came from the gym and was actually still kind of warm on top, so I could handle 3 minutes of chilly legs. She smiled. Interaction concluded.

As I am leaving the store, this large, bundled up "lady" is walking in. She looks me up and down and says in a loud unfriendly tone. "ARe YoU CRazY?!"

Being caught off guard, I mumbled something about just coming from the gym and left. When I got to my car I realized how rude this "lady" was. I wish I had the nerve (not really) to say, "Yes, I am actually." Then promptly punch her. What if I was crazy? She really took her life in her own hands there. After a few sleepless nights due to a seething teething Pfunk, I can be pretty crazy and cannot be held responsible for my reactions. Just ask Josh.

Wow. That was quite a P.S.

Anyway, I am trying to teach Parker to clap and kiss. Not at the same time. Although that maybe an improvement over what he currently thinks kissing actually is. It takes about 10 kisses on his face and me repeating "kisses" for him to even attempt the act. When he does attmept a kiss, he comes at me, mouth WIDE open and goes straight for my nose, although he will settle for a mouthful of cheek.

Little ladies of 2020(ish), I apologize. All I can say is bring a napkin or two because if things do not improve, I can honestly tell you that you will get wet on this ride.

Clapping is of no interest to him and can go the way of the sucky cup as far as he is concerned.

On a Serious Note

Before I begin, Parker, Josh and I are fine. This is just a reflection of goings on that my mind will not let go of.

I only know the basic facts, so unfortunately I cannot soften this event with comforting details. I found out that last week a little girl, 2 1/2 years old, passed away. She choked on a carrot. She was an only child and went to the day care at the gym the same times as Parker. He did not really play with her since they are so far apart in age, but I remember seeing her play with the other kids.
Her funeral was last night. There was an open casket. I did not go, but I know people who did.

Everyone at the gym, even people who do not have kids in the day care, were talking about this horrible thing. Calvert County is small and things like this do not go unmentioned among the community members.

I don't know, and I'm not sure I would want to know, why some babies are born healthy, some not so much. Some go onto to be parents themselves and some fall victims to tragedies like this poor girl. I'm just feeling really thankful that I am able to hold my little monkey and listen to him laugh and watch him figure things out in the world around him. He is starting to eat those baby teething cookies. I can't help but let my mind wander. I know that he cannot eat pureed peas forever, but right now that is my plan!

Sucky Cups

I have bought, tried and now apparently collect the following sippy (or sucky as the title of this entry states) cups:
Baby Einstein- This one was one of the infamous Christmas gifts FROM SANTA..not mommy...SANTA. His highness does not like this one because, and I'm guessing here because he is a man of few words, the top is hard and his little baby nose hits it when he attempts to drink. I fear this is a problem that will plague him throughout his life as I have this same problem due to the size of my large Italian nose. Apparently he inherited this from me. Sorry kid.

Dr. Brown- This one I can also kind of understand, the flow is kind of faster than he is used to. Yes, much like all medicines and foods I give the monkey, I also test his sucky cups. Honestly, at this time, this cup is not my fav either.

Nuk- This one was also a gift from SANTA. The top of it is very similar to that of the nipple, still hate that word, of a bottle. He was into for about 2 or 3 weeks and then for no good reason he started hating, no loathing, no filling with rage from the depths of his soul at the pure sight of this cup. Catching a glimpse of this sucky cup will send him into a screaming fit that would put any horror movie hobag to shame.

Advent- I just bought this today. They come in packs of 2 for about $8, making them the most expensive in my collection. He was ok with this for for a few sips, but then lost interest.

Take a toss- These are basically slightly glorified tupperware in rainbow colors. They, like all the other sucky cups, are spill proof and cost about 50 cents each. I got them at my baby shower in May from some lovely guest. Do I even need to say this next sentence? These, OF COURSE, seem to be acceptable for now, but still he will not drink more than an ounce and a half out of it before swishing up his face and arching his back in a temper tantrum fashion.

The advent cup I bought today was an impulse buy. I heard good things about them and needed to go to Babies R Us anyway to return some safety items. No, we have not decided against being safe, but we bought something for keeping cords out of Parker's reach and it didn't work out. Josh and I decided we needed to step up the safety precautions the other day when Parker was wondering around the living room in his walker and realized he was at the perfect level and could very easily reach the TV cord, plug and outlets. I put those plastic things in the outlets and redid the cord situation, so all is well in that area. While I was at the baby store I also bought a few other safety items including those things you put on doorknobs so the rugrats can't open the door. I knew I needed these because every time I flush the toilet he laughs.

Sidenote: So he laughs when I flush the toilet, but cries when I vacuum. This makes me realize how much I go to the bathroom and how little I vacuum. Both are depressing realizations.

Anyway, I fear the things I will be fishing out of our toilets in the very near future. That was until I bought these doorknob covers. HOWEVER, after putting the covers on the bathroom door, I realized that the door can be opened simply by pulling, not necessarily turning, the knob. Which means the knobby turning protectors thingies are null and void. Which means I'm guessing I should just start unraveling some coat hangers now, so I can snake out whatever Parker tries to flush. I'm guessing the first thing he will begin flushing are those damn sucky cups!

Sidenote: While at the baby store, I was chatting to a very pregnant lady and found out she has a 10 month old little girl and is due next month. That is a very scary thing and should not be biologically allowed. <>

Updates: He is sitting by himself. He is still toothless. He is no longer sleeping through the night. I am here to tell you, just because your little precious starts sleeping through the night does not I repeat NOT mean they will continue to sleep through the night. Sorry to discourage, but the air was let out of my balloon rather quickly with this discovery and I do not want you to suffer the same fate. Enjoy the full nights of sleep, for they too shall end.

But I hope they come back. Soon.

It Pains Me to Say I was Wrong

I once commented that hell is a teething baby. No teething is not so bad as I can typically give him a shot of Tylenol and a frozen waffle and move on with my day.
Hell is a teething baby who also has a cold.
I know I know, if he gets sick now, it will help him be healthier when he is older. I have to say I'd rather have an older child with a cold than a baby. At least an older child can tell me to get them soda and hand them the remote and then I can go back to reading my facebook. Now when I try to do anything on the computer while holding P-money (new nickname from my friend Spencer), he puts his slimy sick baby hands all over the screen and keyboard. Yuck.

So yeh, the kid is sick. He is, as the pediatrician said, severely congested. We have the humidifier, the nose suction thing, Tylenol, a prescription and a couple bottles of wine. We will get through this!
We were at the doc's office for his 6 month check up, despite the fact that he is almost 7 months old, whatev. He was suppose to be getting the next round of vaccines, however the extreme congestion got in the way of the shots, but not the co-pay might I add. This means that he still needs the vaccines. Bottom line: In 2 weeks I will have paid $40, just in co-pays for this kid. There was also mention that if he is still more clogged up than the DC Metro system on inauguration day, then he will have to be introduced to a nebulizer (spelling?). BOO!

On the upside, the prescription makes him poop regularly! However, the poo situations are insane and so far I have been the only one on the receiving end. I'm changing Josh's name to Dodger.

Despite his faucet nose and mucus filled lungs I still took him to Cuddle Up and Read at the library yesterday morning. This is the reading group for babies that I mentioned earlier. I kind of feel like a bad mom for taking him out in the chilly weather, but there you have it. I can't sit in the house all day with him, bored.
He's on antibiotics, it's all good.
He wore a coat and hat.
Stop judging me.

At this reading circle there is a mom who I met at Safeway one day. A friend of mine of told me that if she had to go somewhere and did not know anyone she would take me with her because I will talk to anyone. I have also been told by another friend, after an awkward conversation with a stranger in a CVS, that not everyone wants to be my friend.
I find that hard to believe!

Anyway, I met this girl and her 1 year old son Nathan at Safeway in the baby aisle in the beginning of December. I talked her into joining this reading group at the library, but then I did not really talk to her through the holidays. Then bam, she's there! Yeh! See people do want to be my friend.
Now, last week we were told the RULES OF CUDDLE UP AND READ. Yes the very fact that there are rules for a reading circle involving children under the age of 2 made me a bit apprehensive. However, I stayed and ultimately am glad I did.
One of the rules states that basically if your kid if being annoying and loud, step out and get the situation under control. Another rule is no talking among mommies. Seriously, that is a rule. There are many others involving cell phones and being on time.

They are serious about these rules.

The group is lead by Barbara, whom I liked but am becoming slightly less fond of, and her side kick, Skippy. I do not know his name, I forget it, but Skippy is what I name a male if he is kind of schlumpy and bumbly and just there. Yesterday they had not even officially started yet, I know this because we had not sung the song that kicks off the whole thing. Therefore I thought it appropriate to say hello to my new friend and her son. So, I said hello, mentioned Parker had a cough and that I liked her son's hat.
BARbra then looked around the room, but was clearly speaking to us, and said, "OK, FOcus!" and did some motion in front of her face, similar to something a parent would do to a child to say, "I see what you are doing and I want you to knock it off!"

Well, Barbra I did not like your hat or your scarf both of which had your name largely embroidered on them. I assure you, name or no name, no one would steal your tacky winter wear. Maybe you should FOCUS on your fashion BARbra! Cut us mom's some slack. We are watching Sesame Street and listening to the same sing-song toys all day. Sometimes I need to use words with actual syllables and have the person I am communicating with respond accordingly and not by drooling on my sweater!

Random ramblings

1. Parker can sit up now, with minimal assistance, and is attempting to drink from a sippy cup. Lady toddlers of Calvert County watch out a stud is about to break free and he has an extra sippy cup for you.

2. I recently saw a bunch of people I have not scene in a while. These were people I went to college with and have maintained contact with most of them through facebook, so they were aware that I had a baby.
Since I was given the all clear to work out after Parker was born, we go to the gym almost every day. I would honestly say it works out to 5 days a week, sometimes 6. I am there for at least an hour sometimes an hour and a half doing everything from cardio to weights to kickboxing. I am at the weight I was prior to Parker, as I have been since he was 3 1/2 months old. Meaning I have obviously hit some sort of plateau.
Circle back around to seeing these people, I heard the following comment. Now, before I relay the comment, let me say, I know it is said with the best of intentions. However, here is the comment...
"You look great for just having a baby!"
This is usually said with a smile, scratch that it is said with a beamingly sincere grin, on the complimenter's face. I know they complimenting me, but I mean does anyone else see the disappointing part in that compliment?
If not, it's the "for just having a baby" part.
We new moms LOVE LOVE LOVE hearing that we look great, but end the compliment there for our mental health and your own safety.

3. My friend, who I have written about in here before, has a blog of her own. She updates it everyday and it is very entertaining. I am jealous of her because last time I read her blog I saw she had 9...9 followers. I have one (Big Ups Paul!). Come on people, follow me, I promise I will not lead you astray. Also, do not forget I have an email address set up for the blog- confessionsofaML@hotmail.com

4. When Parker was just shy of 3 months he started rolling from his belly to his back. Then he stopped. Meaning he would only go from his belly to his back, but could not reverse it. He only did this because he was pissed off that he was on his belly. HOWEVER, now Mr. Parker can roll from his back to his belly. When we put him down for the night we put him vertically on his back. When we go to get him he can be in any given position. In fact, one night he was being fussy and then just stopped. My mind of course jumped to the worse case scenario and I made Josh go check on him. I heard some scuffling noises on the monitor and then Josh appeared in our bedroom doorway and Parker's cries lit up the monitor.
Me: "What did you do?"
Josh: "He was laying on his stomach horizontally with his legs bent back and his feet in the air. So I switched him back the right way, vertical on his back."

After the explanation the monitor indicated the crying stopped again. Without me even having to say a word, Josh went back downstairs (thanks Josh!) to check on Pman. He came back with the same position report, but this time Josh did not move him. Of course I worried all night, but he slept through the night no problem.

I'm told once these little guys can sit and roll over (back to belly) crawling is soon to follow and then they get into everything. We have hardwood floors and I am sort of hoping this discourages the crawling a bit. I want him to stay where I put him. I do not want my days to turn into some sort of frightening game of hide and seek.

5. I recently posted some pictures of Pfunk on facebook of him eating waffles. A friend, she is not a mother yet which makes this question all the better, asked me if the waffle was frozen. I replied that yes, it was frozen and that who has the time and energy to toast a waffle anymore. I also mentioned that I wanted to keep his future breakfast expectations low. She suggested that be the title of my book. I agree. So if I ever turn this blog into a book of some sort I am using "Guide to Motherhood- Keeping Their Expectations Low" as my working title. Catchy and accurate, no?

6. This morning I took Parker to a reading circle at our local library. It is called Cuddle-Up and Read and it is for babies birth to 2 years old. Parker is the youngest by about 6 months. We read 2 books and sang songs- way fun for babies. I strongly suggest to any mothers or mom's to be (or dads) to see if your library has something like this. One of my favorite things about being a mom is getting to be silly and goofy and basic again. In fact, it's not that I just get to be those things, but that it is expected. It's a very cool thing to have lived for 28 years and traveled and done things and now I get to do it again with Parker.

Too cool.

7. Still
No
Teeth
I fear for his future. Eating strained peas on a first date does not sound like it will make a good first impression.

I May Be Rethinking My Take on Santa

Our Christmas was very nice. Josh and I really did not get each other gifts. We just put our 2 foot tall Christmas tree from Whole Foods in our hallway and sat on the floor while we watched Pman open his 3 gifts. He sat in the walker and opened the gifts bungee style. Meaning I would rip a piece of paper off the gifts, the very gifts I wrapped only moments earlier- in front of him. Whereupon Parker would grab the piece and toss the gift off the side of his walker while holding onto the ripped piece thus opening the gift as it twisted and plummeted to the ground.

We put some light-up reindeer antlers on Abby and got a couple glasses of wine and laughed our asses off at the absurdness of it all, knowing we will never forget this.

Also, I have made a decision on the To Santa or Not to Santa situation. I elect to encourage the belief in Santa for as long as possible. I have chosen this route because as the picture below demonstrates, Parker seems to be difficult to impress when it comes to gifts. I need to be able to blame someone else when I see this face again in Christmases to come.



I mean if this picture doesn't say, "What the hell, mom?" I don't know what does.

He also got a little car, from Grammy, that he can ride on. He seems to be terrified by this toy, but I have a feeling that will subside and he will end up LOVING it and I will end up equally HATING it. Thanks Grammy!


Other than that our holiday weekend was pretty quiet, although I did introduce him to something controversial. No, not porn. No, not Smirnoff.

First of all, let me say, the boy is still...still I say...toothless.
I gave him both blueberry frozen waffles and very hard pizza crust.

Before you turn me over to the authorities, let me say I did not give him these at the same time, nor did I leave him for a second while he was enjoying either. I do give him frozen waffles quite often now, though. He LOVES LOVES LOVES them and they seem to really help with the teething. I got this advice, not from a wise old Grandmother, or any sort of veteran mom. No, I learned about this from Roseanne- what works for the Conner's works for me- sort of.

We also introduced him to church over the holiday. We went to a small Christmas morning service at a Episcopal church (we are Catholic) in Ocean City, Maryland. Parker was the only baby and brought the average age of those in attendance down to 60. He was being super cute (of course) and well behaved (duh). However, when he was offered the Body and Blood of Christ, the priest dipped the stale bready disc into the sweet wine and placed it in Parkers' mouth. And Parker immediately and without hesitation, spit it out. I'm scared about what this may mean.

Our NYE was about as eventful as any other NYE really. I kind of think that holiday is overrated- similar to Valentine's Day. I was in bed by 10:30p.m. but I fell asleep on the couch well before that. However, I think I may have crashed out so early because the night before Parker was quite literally in some sort of P-funk.

I have a strict policy of no sleeping babies in bed. Meaning, Parker sleeps in his bed, er crib. I will vaguely explain why in an effort to protect the guilty. I know a certain mom and dad who let a certain daughter (not me I swear) stay in their bed until she was...what...like 10? I will say I slept in this certain daughter's room while she was in our...I mean her parent's bed.

I expect to argue with Parker over somethings, sleeping in our bed will not be one of them.

Or so I thought.

The other night he just was...well a devil child. (See above mention of church experience). He wasn't crying, he was full on screaming. Looking back I think maybe his stomach hurt because he was arching his back and farting...a lot.

Did I mention I had just introduced him to prunes?

Anyway, back to the point (there I go again). He was screaming every time we put him down, but he was able to fall asleep in our arms. Finally around 12:30a.m., after about 3 hours of scream-crying, I caved and brought him into our bed. Of course he fell asleep, like instantly. I, however, had to sleep with my robe on because I was afraid to pull the covers up and suffocate my baby. I also had to sleep in the exact shape of a horseshoe around Parker in order to fit on the bed and keep him aware of the fact that I was actually right there at all times. I am still not able to stand up straight, but I can tell you if your shoes need to be tied!

He woke up a few more times, whimpered and then going back to sleep. I slept in about 10 minute intervals and just about sucker punched Josh when he started snoring. At one point I got Josh to try and put Parker in his crib only to have them both return minutes later with Josh saying, "This just isn't going to work. He is staying here."

Great.

I guess I should see if I can get an adult sized "I still live with my parent's" onsie. My fear of him still living with us when he is 40 may not only come true, but will also involve him sleeping in our bed. Neat. Guess who is going to be an only child.